depression

I'm scared of telling you how I feel

I'm sad but I smile and that's my life

It hurts but I'm ok I'm used to it

I lied coz I don't want you to know how much it hurts me

It hurts when you tried your best but it just wasn't good enough

I acted like it wasn't a big deal but really it was breaking my heart

I'm so tired I don't want to try anymore

I wish that I could sleep and not wake up

I don't know what to feel anymore

my new boss

What’s most frustrating about this situation

My new boss is young and inexperienced. She is too logical and doesnt know how to handle other people's emotions. I am scared by the things she says. I am worried she will become exactly like my old boss because the replies she gives and how she handles people are the same.

How do you think your actions contributed to this frustration

I think because we are complete opposites. She doesn't understand me. We misunderstand each other. She doesn't realise the impact her words has on be because she is a first time boss.

How do others view this situation, what’s their story

Others don't have as much interaction with her as I have.so far she is ok to them.

Are you worried about something that’s within your control or outside it

I am worried that she might dislike me. That it is outside of my control to change her perception of me.

What do you expect as the outcome of this conflict

I want her to like me.

What have you done to resolve it

Maybe I'll spend more time to talk to her and get to know her so she will like me.

What does this teach you about yourself and others

Need to make time for each other to get to know each other better to not have so many misunderstandings. People who value different things might not make the effort to get to know me. But that's ok I can be the bigger person and get to know them. 

for the post I didn't dare to reply to. keeping as a self note. closing this chapter

Im just like you. Whenever I got stabbed always I kept quiet and kept it to myself. I used to think that my actions speak louder then words and people know me and that I'm not someone like that and I don't want to paint her badly so I don't say anything back. I also used to think that this is a childish phase people would outgrow.

But my career coach told me that I'm actually doing myself a disservice and I. Should just tell everyone what really happened and stand up for myself.

I started to realize wherever you go no matter how high you climb no matter how old you get this always seems to repeat. Now it's a colleague. In the future it might even be your boss. 

People who say that your manager should manage her well are right. But it's too idealistic. In a perfect world yes. But in reality. How many managers are well trained enough to know how to handle this? Most of them are just trying to figure out being a supervisor day to day on top of their work duties. Some of them don't even care until you throw your resignation letter then they say "oh I didn't know it bothered you so much why didn't you talk to me?" 

The people who ostracized you are easily swayed sheep. I know it's easy to be hurt by this. But focus on the big picture and focus on what's important. Are they important to you? If yes do something about it. It no. Then stand up for yourself and ignore the noise.

What matters is you gotta be strong and learn how to deal with it.

For your sanity. For your future. For your happiness.

Also if you think that you might be facing depression. Please get some help. 

All the best.