journal entry

Here’s a journal-style reflection you can keep — to read when you feel confused, hurt, or pulled into other people’s chaos. Let this be your grounding truth.---Journal Note to SelfFor the days I feel judged or left behind.I’ve always tried to show up for people — in their pain, their messiness, their healing. I never asked for perfection, only honesty. But sometimes, people project their fears, wounds, or insecurities onto me — not because I did something wrong, but because they’re struggling to hold their own emotions.I don’t need to carry their discomfort.I don’t need to fit into someone else’s idea of “perfect” or “fixed.”I don’t need to defend my calm, my joy, my choices.If someone pulls away, talks behind my back, or sees my peace as threatening — that says more about where they are, than who I am. I am not a mirror for their pain. I am a whole person, allowed to have peace.And when people drift away after I’ve opened my heart, yes — it hurts. But that doesn’t mean I should close off or stop being me. I can still love openly, without losing myself.I trust that the right people — the ones who can sit with honesty, with respect, with care — will stay. Or find their way back when they’re ready. Until then, I keep choosing me.---Would you like this in a nicely formatted image, note, or even voice memo form to keep with you?

finding meaning in Ur life

The way u live must be in line with your values and what matters most

Life meaningful and satisfying

How you want to live your life

How you want to contribute to the world

You need to know exactly who you are

And exactly who you want to be 

dealing with low mood

Instead of working on impulse and what you want to do

Focus on purpose and health. What is it that you want to do that is purposeful and meaningful.

Do it in small changes. 

gratitude practice

I am grateful for my boss, she gave me an auralite crystal to help me improve on bravery.

I am grateful for my colleagues, I feel that we are a team and I feel supported deeply

adhd

Someone else wrote this 

I can relate to the way you explain it. I was 23 when i was diagnosed, i'm 25 now. I remember the day so clearly. 

First i was told that i was diagnosed with ADHD/ADD (i have smt in between they say, meaning it can effect my energy level or smt, but i primary have add)

And they explained how it "common" effect people, it suddenly made sense, like the things i've been strugeling with my whole life, and damm it ain't been easy. 

But that moment, it was like all the pieces in the puzzle fall together.

Also i did reflect on it instantly, remembering scenarios from me being a kid etc. 

And when i went out on the street again, going to my best friends place.

It was a roller coaster of emotions. I was crying, smiling, anxious and excited at same time. 

When i finally arrived at my friends place after a 10 minute walk, i knocked on the door, and instantly began to cry again, then i said "Hey, i have adhd", she hugged me and said "Welcome to the club". That suprised me so much, cause even tho she told me so many times, i always forget it, i still do! Cause when looking at her, or thinking about her, i'm not ever thinking adhd, its like its not a part of my view and universe with her. 

Thats how i learned that your diagnosis dosent define you, it just effect you. 

And you surely can learn to live with that. 

There WILL be people who don't understand. and that argue back that "can't it just be that you...." even when you just want someone to listen, so you can let out whatever its on you mind, or just want to tell and reflect that way. 

But there WILL also be people who understand, and that dosent argue back. 

Keep in mind that you still are the same person, just with a bit more knowledge about the terms and how it are effecting you.

- You had it before u knew about it, so its not something that defines you.

(Sry my english)

I read this today

River, Don't buy her story. If it weren't you, it would have been another reason that "her life was wrecked!" And that's the truth! As long as she has that orientation towards reality, (that she was trapped, that she had no options, that she took a wrong turn), she's frozen in time, and will not grow beyond it.

I don't know if this would be your thing or not, but visualization is a safe way to heal relationships. You would relax, then visualize your "higher self" talking calmly and congenially with her "higher self." You see yourself explaining to her that you have bought her story for far too long. You unplug a cord coming from her to you, and kindly and lovingly hand the unplugged end back to her. Saying, "thank you for all I have learned, but this belongs to you. We are two separate people. We can choose to love each other, but we are free, no longer plugged in as if we were one person, sharing the same story."

See her higher self understanding that she has been trapped in this story. That at each point where it looked like she had no options, she still made a choice. And that she has a choice now to let the past go and learn to become a person who has the ability to love. She can choose to open her heart and accept the tremendous gift that you, yourself, are. 

And for yourself, see your higher self nodding, acknowledging the truth that you were never a mistake, you are a gift. You are an opportunity for her closed heart to open, an invitation to see everything in a new and different way. See yourself holding open a door and encouraging her to walk through. 

Sit for a few moments absorbing the feeling of the new story, the true story, that you are not the "reason" her life was hard. You are the reason she survived it. Absorb the feeling of being as natural as a tree. You were always meant to be here. You yourself are the treasure. See the two of you kindly shaking hands, feeling peaceful and happy.

grief processing

today's swirling thoughts

Thought 1:

I got SC (C) instead of a HA (C+) 

Based on the hours I'm working I dont think what I'm getting is worth it

Should I stay on here and cruise, or should I not stay?

Where else can I find a place with this much flexibility?

Thought 2:

Should I rejoin my studio I graduated from?

Thought 3: 

I really want to quit everything. What am I living for? How can I find meaning in my work life?

Thought 4:

Where can I find a place that will accept me for my neurodivergence

Thought 5:

Mums side of Family has PALB gene

just as I am

I brought my kids to a play

Where the theme was to love yourself just as you are

To be strong against the naysayers

I almost cried during the show

After when I talked to my son about it

I asked him

M: Mummy loves Kyren. Other then mummy.who else should love Kyren?

K: Kyren should love Kyren. 

m: Yes

K: Why? 

M: Because no matter what. You should always love yourself

M: What do you love about yourself?

K: I love that I'm very skinny, if people want to eat me. They will say oh no. No meat. So nobody will eat me.

M: One day if u r not skinny anymore but u are fat will you still love yourself?

K: Yes. I will love my fats.

M: No matter what, you must always love your self, no matter what size or weight you are ok.

Your size and weight doesn't matter, there's always something good about you to love

Mummy loves u no matter what. Do u know that?

K: Does mummy love mummy? 

M: Yes, mummy loves mummy.

I almost cried because I realised no, Im not being honest with him. But if I have to lie to my child to get him to believe in self love, I will, so that he will have it better then me

Because sometimes I hate myself and I want it to all end

questions

1. Are my thoughts useful

2. How do they behave?

Question: “Are these thoughts useful?”

Answer: “No. I’m talking to myself about the past and a situation that cannot be changed.” 

Question: “How do these thoughts behave?”

Answer: “Like a little frustrated child who needs a nap.”