I read this today

River, Don't buy her story. If it weren't you, it would have been another reason that "her life was wrecked!" And that's the truth! As long as she has that orientation towards reality, (that she was trapped, that she had no options, that she took a wrong turn), she's frozen in time, and will not grow beyond it.

I don't know if this would be your thing or not, but visualization is a safe way to heal relationships. You would relax, then visualize your "higher self" talking calmly and congenially with her "higher self." You see yourself explaining to her that you have bought her story for far too long. You unplug a cord coming from her to you, and kindly and lovingly hand the unplugged end back to her. Saying, "thank you for all I have learned, but this belongs to you. We are two separate people. We can choose to love each other, but we are free, no longer plugged in as if we were one person, sharing the same story."

See her higher self understanding that she has been trapped in this story. That at each point where it looked like she had no options, she still made a choice. And that she has a choice now to let the past go and learn to become a person who has the ability to love. She can choose to open her heart and accept the tremendous gift that you, yourself, are. 

And for yourself, see your higher self nodding, acknowledging the truth that you were never a mistake, you are a gift. You are an opportunity for her closed heart to open, an invitation to see everything in a new and different way. See yourself holding open a door and encouraging her to walk through. 

Sit for a few moments absorbing the feeling of the new story, the true story, that you are not the "reason" her life was hard. You are the reason she survived it. Absorb the feeling of being as natural as a tree. You were always meant to be here. You yourself are the treasure. See the two of you kindly shaking hands, feeling peaceful and happy.