SPilt

I think I have 2 sides of me

the daring adventurous side. the friendly gregarious warm and outgoing side. the side that talks alot, laughs alot and never lets a challenge slide. the side that will stare at you daringly in the eyes until you back down. the side that wants to lead everyone else to a better place. the side that always gets her way.

then there's the side that rather not talk to anyone. it's scared of everything. scared of rejection to the point that it'd rather be alone. I'd rather not look into your eyes because I'm afraid of what I will see in them.

I realise that I switch between these 2 individuals at regular intervals. sometimes it's a fixed period of time. sometimes it's not.

I was born loud and bossy
after I got scolded by an uncle for the first time in my life at 2 years old I became soft and mousey.
I stared at the world go past with teary eyes.
I regained my confidence in kindergarten. I set the rules my 2 lackeys would follow.
in p1 to p2 I had a best friend.
I was a teacher favorite. excited to learn. always has answers. i shut my mouth in p4 when I realized that people disliked me for having good grades and being a "pet"and my parents divorced.
I had a group of friends again from p5 to 6. I felt like I belonged again.
I clammed up again in sec school. s1-4 I was quiet. the weight of their divorce weighed on me.
j1-2 was the most boisterous days of my life.
UNi 1-4 I was quiet. there were politics best avoided.
work 1/2 I was just me. lived life in an excited dream.
work 2nd half. I should go back to being the me in my lower primary days.

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