From your digest email
Because there are many forms of intelligence we must address within ourselves to find balance, not just logical intelligence.
For example, the fact that no accomplishment is really enough for your boyfriend indicates that he is driven relentlessly by the need to achieve. But there is an emotional component to this he is not addressing. He is holding beliefs about himself in his subconscious, having to do with issues of self worth, as well as where true happiness comes from. His behavior usually indicates that he feels he is only a valuable human being if he is achieving. It is the act of achieving that is never enough. It doesn't even have a lot to do with what he achieves. When do we have enough self worth?
Those 'real things' that he equates with true success are a way in which he diminishes is own accomplishments by comparison because he thinks those 'real things' are what truly make a person all that he thinks he's not. The sad truth for him is, that were he to accomplish all of those 'real things', he would be as unhappy as he is today. Why do you suppose people who have accomplished so much and 'have it all', end up overdosing or committing suicide? There are several reasons. They realize how hard it is to emotionally handle the weight of their success. But this is the big, number one reason:They get it all, and that hole inside is still there! Nothing, not fame, fortune, or accomplishment changed a sensation of feeling alone, unfulfilled, unhappy, or that there is something else, but now that they have everything, what is it? IT is truth, and the fact that their true needs and motivations were not addressed. They just kept accomplishing more, getting more, and feeling more of the same. This is how the world teaches us a great many things.
Your boyfriend is suffering from an 'illusion', a mirage in the desert that he will never be able to reach because the mirage is not what he is really longing for. It is a pervasive sense of self worth, inner peace, and equality he seeks. It is self love, self respect, and a feeling of belonging on a very deep level that he longs for. So you see, understanding this is another form of intelligence that he has yet to grasp.
All of this being said, the one thing that can bring him clarity and peace is for him to become acutely aware of what is really going on in his mind, and how relentlessly driven he is by seeking in the world what only he can provide.
I would suggest a therapist to help him come to terms with why he is so driven. He has a huge mis-perception of what a 'real accomplishment' is. He is disillusioned via comparisons of himself relentlessly to those whom he feels have reached what he thinks he NEEDS. That need can be filled by the simplest things when a person realizes what the real dynamic is, and comes to terms with it. His life will be enough, when HE is enough. This is a truth we must all face without exception.
Right now, he is worthy of all he desires. He is now who he would be if he accomplished everything he desired. That is the precise reason that no accomplishment will make on iota of a difference to the real issue. When he heals his belief in self lack and unworthiness, it won't matter what he does, he will be that person, not a person stretched around a big hole.
Right now he is equal to all beings. Right now he is important, and deserves self respect, joy, and peace. He has done enough right now. He IS enough, right now. It is not in what you DO, it is in who you know yourself to BE.
When he gets clear about that, a huge weight will be lifted from his shoulders. He can go on to accomplish what he pleases, and he will feel successful and happy in those accomplishments, not bummed and driven more and more and more to another shining carrot he can't reach.
For example, the fact that no accomplishment is really enough for your boyfriend indicates that he is driven relentlessly by the need to achieve. But there is an emotional component to this he is not addressing. He is holding beliefs about himself in his subconscious, having to do with issues of self worth, as well as where true happiness comes from. His behavior usually indicates that he feels he is only a valuable human being if he is achieving. It is the act of achieving that is never enough. It doesn't even have a lot to do with what he achieves. When do we have enough self worth?
Those 'real things' that he equates with true success are a way in which he diminishes is own accomplishments by comparison because he thinks those 'real things' are what truly make a person all that he thinks he's not. The sad truth for him is, that were he to accomplish all of those 'real things', he would be as unhappy as he is today. Why do you suppose people who have accomplished so much and 'have it all', end up overdosing or committing suicide? There are several reasons. They realize how hard it is to emotionally handle the weight of their success. But this is the big, number one reason:They get it all, and that hole inside is still there! Nothing, not fame, fortune, or accomplishment changed a sensation of feeling alone, unfulfilled, unhappy, or that there is something else, but now that they have everything, what is it? IT is truth, and the fact that their true needs and motivations were not addressed. They just kept accomplishing more, getting more, and feeling more of the same. This is how the world teaches us a great many things.
Your boyfriend is suffering from an 'illusion', a mirage in the desert that he will never be able to reach because the mirage is not what he is really longing for. It is a pervasive sense of self worth, inner peace, and equality he seeks. It is self love, self respect, and a feeling of belonging on a very deep level that he longs for. So you see, understanding this is another form of intelligence that he has yet to grasp.
All of this being said, the one thing that can bring him clarity and peace is for him to become acutely aware of what is really going on in his mind, and how relentlessly driven he is by seeking in the world what only he can provide.
I would suggest a therapist to help him come to terms with why he is so driven. He has a huge mis-perception of what a 'real accomplishment' is. He is disillusioned via comparisons of himself relentlessly to those whom he feels have reached what he thinks he NEEDS. That need can be filled by the simplest things when a person realizes what the real dynamic is, and comes to terms with it. His life will be enough, when HE is enough. This is a truth we must all face without exception.
Right now, he is worthy of all he desires. He is now who he would be if he accomplished everything he desired. That is the precise reason that no accomplishment will make on iota of a difference to the real issue. When he heals his belief in self lack and unworthiness, it won't matter what he does, he will be that person, not a person stretched around a big hole.
Right now he is equal to all beings. Right now he is important, and deserves self respect, joy, and peace. He has done enough right now. He IS enough, right now. It is not in what you DO, it is in who you know yourself to BE.
When he gets clear about that, a huge weight will be lifted from his shoulders. He can go on to accomplish what he pleases, and he will feel successful and happy in those accomplishments, not bummed and driven more and more and more to another shining carrot he can't reach.
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