sometimes you just feel like

the tight pants that you have don't fit
sometimes life just feels like shit
you are looking for something to hit
you feel so lost in this pretty world
and that's how it sometimes feels to be a girl

sympathy can be ok
but not like when I feel horrible like today

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sometimes you just feel like

the tight pants that you have don't fit
sometimes life just feels like shit
you are looking for something to hit
you feel so lost in this pretty world
and that's how it sometimes feels to be a girl

sometimes things just are ok
but not like when I feel horrible like today

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the plum

at work I was trying to draw this plum that I didn't feel like eating

it was really pretty purple with red streaks and a white glossy sheen

then I got distracted and did work

and in my distraction I ate it!!!

I feel so devastated that I didn't get to draw it!!

is this what being a cannibal feels like?

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cherish those quiet pockets of time where I get to feel like a kid again

I really cherish those limited free meals I get now a days

after I have started working
and especially after buying my first big ticket item for my mum yesterday

I realized those free meals are going to get sparser

and soon it will be my turn to pay

at least my parents had the luxury of splitting my bill amongst the two of them

but next time it will just be me

paying for everything myself

over and over again

because I know it's useless to wish for siblings

coz they can't drop from the sky

and even if they existed why would they want to take on the responsibility of a MIA parent

so all I can do now is work

and hope for my promotion soon

sigh

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Ivh finally bought it..

my 10 year aspiration..

ever since ivh worked at simmons when i was 18.. ivh always coveted one of those superb mattresses

the individual pocketed coil, good for back, with pillow top

and ivh finally got one! for 3.1k, i got 1 queen size for my mum and 1 single size for myself!

oh well.. it's not simmons, but simmons got bought over by someone else... and its pretty superb!!

so... im still in shock and disbelief.. but nonetheless very excited!

good sleep here i come!

why are you only arriving on saturday :(

oh wait.. i'm 25 this year.. so its an 7 year asipration.. oh well :D

You are the epitome of the word BITCH
the human embodiment of it
nothing can come closer to it then you

You fucking ask me for so many things
You make me run around like a fool
then i ask so many ppl and do so many things for you
i even purposely leave the weekend free so that we can go
you not only disregard everything that i do
you even ignore me when i ask you why
Or what is wrong with what i said

Fuck you.
I dont know why the fuck i bother.

I can totally understand why he left you.
fucking ingrate.
bitchy behavior.

FMM

Why you should never let vanity sizing affect your self esteem:

http://www.blisstree.com/2012/10/02/beauty-shopping/vanity-sizes-body-image-308/

This post says it all

The size you wear can have a big affect on your body image and self-esteem. Marcy Guevara, a plus-size style expert who regularly contributes to Marie Claire and other publications, told me, “It’s amazing how my clients are psychologically affected by the number on their clothing! Some stores in specific regions (like LA) won’t even carry larges because women would rather squeeze into the medium!  Vanity sizing has created an illusion for women and creates brand loyalty.” In other words, if you wear a size two at American Apparel and a six at Urban Outfitters, chances are you’ll shop at American Apparel, where the number on the tag makes you feel better about your body.

Read more: http://www.blisstree.com/2012/10/02/beauty-shopping/vanity-sizes-body-image-308/#ixzz2LWMIidte

You know i dream in colour

but when you are around it's like it's technicolour

Then when you are gone it feels like a black and white film

Time moves slower

Pain hits harder

sounds are muffled

it gets harder to breathe

when will you save me from this misery

i just watched a very interesting video on plastic surgery...

national.geographic.taboo.beauty.hdtv.xvid-diverge from Docu Lector on Vimeo.

This topic has been pretty interesting recently not just because of the K pop wave, but because i recently realised that tons of Singaporean celebrities have done plastic surgery! Be it mediacorp artistes (did you notice that lee na xing's has botox?) (felicia chin had double eyelid surgery) or bloggers (xiaxue had 2 nose jobs, even miyake wong and yutaki had nose/chin/cheek fillers, botox to relax the jaw line) Even my older friends have gone for cosmetic procedures (freckle lightening) and my step mum has mentioned before to me that she wants to do it!

If you visit this website on tumblr, there's tons of before and after shots of koreans getting plastic surgery: http://kpsurgery.tumblr.com/

After looking at so many pictures, im suddenly very alert to whether ppl have had plastic surgery or not! There's just this look about them which sets them apart. Last time i was only aware of the botox-ed faces, but now, I can tell if they have had rinoplastery, jaw realignment surgery, nose job, fat grafts(all girls after fat grafts have chubby cheeks and forehead like dawn yang basically) If you're still not confident, an interesting way to challenge people who have had rinoplastery is to ask them to make a 'pig' face (where you push the tip of your nose up such that your nostrils show). They really cant do it coz of the hard implant! The bridge will also feel hard, like your knucle!

i ended up here from another singaporean blogger, eric lim who has had plastic surgery to get double eyelids. (That's the one surgery i cant tell if ppl have had but Dina said sth about how when they close their eyes the line is still there) He wanted a fat graft on his cheeks but the doctor told him that he didnt have enough fats to make nice cheeks. .. He even uploaded pictures of the before and after and with all the scaring and stiches and all. I have deep respect for his frankness and honesty! to me he is as interesting as a female version of xiaxue! http://therealericlim.blogspot.sg/2012/05/my-first-plastic-surgery-trip.html

anyway less about these bloggers and plastic people, and more about the video!

I found the video v scary!! It's by national geographic called "taboo bodies"

There was this lady who had chest implants and went from a "C" to a "G" and had an infection! (none of the american doctors wanted to give her such a size so she had to go to an unorthadox doctor in brazil) When the american doctor saw her, he cut a 3mm incision in her breasts to drain out the pus. One week later, the 3mm incision had grown to a 3cm diameter hole!!!!!!! I WAS SO FREAKED OUT!!! seriously!! you can see the implants through the hole!!! omg!!! I kept wondering how she wore her bras with that huge hole in her chest. wasnt it painful??? The doctor had to remove the implants to save her life. And when he removed them, there were two implants inside! it was the size of a basketball~!!

There was also a bit on this lady with aneroxia. She really looked like the walking dead. sunken cheeks, hollow eyes and all. although its really sad that she passed away, what she said will always stay with me.

"It doesn't matter what your body size is. as long as your are healthy, you are beautiful"

That really rang true for me. Perspectives should change! Health comes first! its not whether there's tons of calories in it, its more of whether it's good for me. She was a 27 year old, but her body looked like that of my 88+ year old grandma. She walked and talked just as slow too!


People who only eat 1 slice of bread should really rethink! its not about the calories! its more of  "are you getting the right amount of vitamins and nutrients that you need?"

Now im wondering how does crash diets and the  binge eating at buffets and cny n all tie into this mess that everyone seems to be in..

coz now the easiest topic to strike up with another girl is this "omg u r so slim! how do you maintain it?" Usually their answer is this "dont eat, gym much"

i should go around asking people "omg you dont fall sick at all! how do you maintain your health?"
but this isnt apparent until we are old and grey. and all of the health complications come up. Nvm i will ask all the fit healthy old people this! so far the fit and healthy old people i have met are on my "hikes" and they are EPIC!! how did they maintain their health? Seems like healthy eating and tons of walking. and they are like 60+ but they still can take part in standard charted 40km marathon! nyah~

dreams

I just kept crying and running in dreams
I was so sad the tears just kept rolling down my face
but when I woke up I didn't have a clue why
the place looked alot like woodlands mrt
just that it wasn't
a row of shops with grey flat tilled walls just stretched out before me as I ran
I was running home in my dream
suddenly I stopped
you know how dreams just phase shift suddenly?
one moment you are here, next moment you are there
and it makes perfect sense
when I saw the green fields and the grey path before me my dream
phase shifted then
and I turned and forgot all of my troubles
I was on the other side of woodlands mrt then
and it made perfect sense
I don't know how or why
but that path, led to a tunnel which
led down to a huge grey school

and now that the construction is almost complete
and the dust has finally lifted
I'm shocked to see the same grey tiles on the causeway point facade
and the row of shops below the MRT that lead to my side of woodlands
Smrt even announced that the mrt extension will lead to republic poly
ivh been inside just once last year
and I was shocked because

it's exactly the same as
when I walked out of my dream tunnel

it's only when I saw the shops that everything clicked into place

it's really as If this was my destined place

I saw in my dreams that I was going to be living here

now in my dreams whenever i see that one day i have to leave my chest is tight and heavy

maybe many other people out there are like me. just that when they see it they just keep it to themselves.

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