Boss

Can I ask for some advice. Recently I sleep trained my baby coz at 9 months he still wasn't sleeping through the night. Before that he would wake up 2 to 5 times a night. Because of the sleep training he wakes up at 630am and sleeps at 730pm regardless of weekday or weekend. Sometimes he wakes up in the middle of the night once, but now it's rarely.

My office hours are 830 to 6 and I take 1 hour to get to or from work. I asked to report early at 730 so that I can reach home at 6pm so that I could spend some time with my baby.

The early hours and late nights are taking its toll on me. I'm still pumping and coz I don't have a maid I wake up at 530am and sleep at 11pm to pump and do chores. I have never fallen asleep at my table and I often I eat in and work so I can have a nap over lunch. Recently it's harder and harder to get up and harder and harder to stay awake. There was a briefing on a software which was just for information, coz the company wasn't going to pay for it. I couldn't help it. In the dark auditorium I fell asleep.

My boss spotted me and he wasn't happy. He told me to report later so that I won't be so tired. He doesn't understand how I feel. He is in his 50s and unmarried. Even if I report later theres no difference because I still can't sleep in coz I need to take care of baby when he wakes up. I'm struggling to stay awake and most days I oversleep my alarm and reach 15 mins late. But I always stay back later to compensate for it. I was scolded and told to reach on the dot.

How do you deal with a boss who doesn't know what it's like to be a parent? I feel like I'm losing my mind.

My boss

My boss is not understanding at all
I have a new baby
I know I changed my reporting time to 730.
I know I have been late 10 or 20 mins.
I know I haven't been on the dot. But I still try my best to complete all my work and I do work later to make up for it. But still reporting on the dot or even earlier than the dot is essential to him.

He accused me of being tired. He said that if I'm tired I should start later. He doesn't understand. That even if I start later I'm going to he just as tired because baby is awake anyway. He accused me for falling asleep at a briefing which I had thought of as useless, because we don't get to use the software anyway. What's the point of attending it? Everyone else was just using their laptop anyway. Maybe I should have used my laptop too. But to me, catching up on sleep just seemed so much more important. So that I can function properly and do work. But to him staying awake at a briefing of 150pax in a dark auditorium was more important. He told me that I should have gone to wash my face. I think next time I should just take leave instead.

He accused me of poor work performance. He used the HR online pages as example. He said that I'm supposed to clean everything throughly and check through. I did not expect that I'm supposed to do that. I thought that it had been done before very recently when Elicia was deadhead, hence I'm not sure why I'm doing it again, and why the whole thing changes now that I'm desk head although there's no policy change. If there is a policy change, yes I will scrub through everything. But for the ML page,  they only told me to insert a FAQ. I didn't know that the expectation was to go through everything.

He said that as a mx 11 I shouldn't expect him to still check through all my work. I agree, I don't need him to check. But to me, all of the changes so far are subjective. How would I know that he prefers me to use 'if' instead of 'perhaps'if I didn't check with him? And is it right of him to fault me for this,  really?

NS was late for yesterday's briefing. Whole unit of 10 people,  late for 20mins. Only 1 staff from their unit was there. I was blamed for their lateness, because I didn't send a reminder right before the briefing. Aren't we all working adults? I had set a reminder at 950am to pop up.

I just feel very demoralised and demotivated. There's no staff empowerment here. And everything I do is wrong. And there's no progression. I haven't learnt any new and valuable skills too. I think it's time to move on.

Sad

Some people want it all.  But I don't want nothing at all.  Missing you baby. Like I do baby. Some ppl want diamond rings. I dont want anything. If I aint got u baby. Nothing in this whole damn world doesn't mean a thing. If I ain't got u with me baby.

Ray Chan ❤

Coming back from genting

Today on the cab back from golden mile center
My 6 month old son melted down in the taxi. He just kept crying refused milk and pacifier and shaking
There was not enough space so I could barely do anything
In the end the only thing that worked was k pop on my handphone
All hail K-pop😅
The Indian taxi uncle was so amused by him. He kept adjusting the rear view mirror to peek at him. Think he went home to tell his wife 😅

Day at the vet

Brought Yuri to the vet for her review. Really glad that I changed vet. Bills are cheap and the people are nice too! I met 2 nice people at the vet today. One had a guinea pig the other had a shitzu. The one with the shitzu had been  mindef staff for 10 years. She seems proud of it. It's nice to see civil servants who are proud of their vocation. The shitzu had skin problems. Hopefully the shitzu will get better.  To my surprise the shitzu is an independent doggie. She doesn't whine and is well behaved. I'm glad to have met such nice people.

met my cousin

she told me she was pregnant

happy!

this made me tear

https://www.thebump.com/a/why-little-moments-with-kids-matter

My Little big adventure - The kindness of strangers

It's lunch hour and somehow I got left behind. The clock was ticking and I knew that if i didn't leave soon id end up having to eat with the boss.

I ran off with a slightly sour taste in my mouth.

After a long climb up a hill, I was in the yong tau foo queue paying for my food. $4.90 the nice malay machik told me. I opened my wallet and only saw a $2 bill. I opened my coin slot and only saw a couple of coins. And i realised that I was in trouble.

In my panic I checked all my emergency cash slots. Handphone. Bag. Spare slots. Nothing. I was all alone. There was no one i could borrow money from  In my desperation I asked the lady where the nearest atm was.

She thought about it and said. I think MOE building. 'All the way down the hill?' I thought. I was horrified! In my hereday it wouldn't have been a problem but In my round and pregnant state going up the hill was already torture but having to make another return trip was unimaginable!

I just stared at her with open eyes in my state of shock. I just couldn't process what to do next. But The lady was really nice. She said 'It's ok. U work around here right? U can owe us the 4.90 first and pay us tomorrow' I told her that I would draw the money and come back today, she repeated that i could come back tomorrow. She was willing to let me eat the meal without paying!!!

I took out all the money in my wallet and it turned out to be 3.90. She said that she can collect the money first and i could pay her back the 1 dollar tmr.

After lunch, I hurriedly made the trip up and down the hill to draw the cash. I brought a packet of fruits for her. I think it should be halal?

When I turned up at the store, she was so surprised to see me. She said 'I thought I told u that it's ok u can come back tomorrow?' I told her 'I'm sorry I feel so bad that I forgot to pay u that I had to do it today. So i went to draw the money and I bought some fruits for u' she refused it at first, and only collected the money, But I continued 'recently after i got pregnant' she cut in 'yes I saw that u were pregnant so i told u that it's ok' i continued ' I'm really forgetful and so I was really embarrassed when i forgot so I was really touched and thankful and grateful by what u did, so please accept it'

She turned quite red and looked quite touched when i said that I was touched and I felt touched and felt like crying Too

When walking down the hill..

I concluded.. i guess that my dads advice on just give and don't ask.. does come in handy after all

Confused

Ivh been pondering about it for a while. It's not that my friends are weird. I just feel that something is weird because their thoughts and actions are inconsistent. Also because ivh always surrounded myself with people who ivh felt are more competent than me at life. Who seem to have it all figured out. I feel so confused when i see them fumbling along and asking questions that answers are plain to me to see. Could it be that you can know your friend even better than she even knows herself? Ivh never  believed in that. Ivh always thought that you should know yourself better than anyone else possibly can.  That's something my mum and my family doctors have always told me, And when i was young, i used to tell them i don't know. Ivh spent all my life. Puzzling over this. Trying to figure it out. Now that I'm older and I can see clearly now. I know who i am. I know what im here for. I know what will upset me and what wont. And how not to set myself up for suitations that will lead to upset. Because unless we change, history will always repeat itself. I thought everyone had moved along too. With university education. Into this plane of thought. That one should use logic and do forward planning and research to avoid disappointment.

But recently I realised that there's so many people around me who don't know themselves or what they want in life. And I feel confused by it. Like when did our disjoint happen? Did they change? Or have they been like this all along and it's me who changed? Did I grow up too fast?

I don't think i grew up too fast. Ivh always planned to have my life mapped by 30. I remember them saying 25 or 27. Maybe that why I'm confused.

So what then is it. Why do they seem so confused with life?

The best content I have ever read in a long time

http://ncase.me/trust/