my new boss

What’s most frustrating about this situation

My new boss is young and inexperienced. She is too logical and doesnt know how to handle other people's emotions. I am scared by the things she says. I am worried she will become exactly like my old boss because the replies she gives and how she handles people are the same.

How do you think your actions contributed to this frustration

I think because we are complete opposites. She doesn't understand me. We misunderstand each other. She doesn't realise the impact her words has on be because she is a first time boss.

How do others view this situation, what’s their story

Others don't have as much interaction with her as I have.so far she is ok to them.

Are you worried about something that’s within your control or outside it

I am worried that she might dislike me. That it is outside of my control to change her perception of me.

What do you expect as the outcome of this conflict

I want her to like me.

What have you done to resolve it

Maybe I'll spend more time to talk to her and get to know her so she will like me.

What does this teach you about yourself and others

Need to make time for each other to get to know each other better to not have so many misunderstandings. People who value different things might not make the effort to get to know me. But that's ok I can be the bigger person and get to know them. 

for the post I didn't dare to reply to. keeping as a self note. closing this chapter

Im just like you. Whenever I got stabbed always I kept quiet and kept it to myself. I used to think that my actions speak louder then words and people know me and that I'm not someone like that and I don't want to paint her badly so I don't say anything back. I also used to think that this is a childish phase people would outgrow.

But my career coach told me that I'm actually doing myself a disservice and I. Should just tell everyone what really happened and stand up for myself.

I started to realize wherever you go no matter how high you climb no matter how old you get this always seems to repeat. Now it's a colleague. In the future it might even be your boss. 

People who say that your manager should manage her well are right. But it's too idealistic. In a perfect world yes. But in reality. How many managers are well trained enough to know how to handle this? Most of them are just trying to figure out being a supervisor day to day on top of their work duties. Some of them don't even care until you throw your resignation letter then they say "oh I didn't know it bothered you so much why didn't you talk to me?" 

The people who ostracized you are easily swayed sheep. I know it's easy to be hurt by this. But focus on the big picture and focus on what's important. Are they important to you? If yes do something about it. It no. Then stand up for yourself and ignore the noise.

What matters is you gotta be strong and learn how to deal with it.

For your sanity. For your future. For your happiness.

Also if you think that you might be facing depression. Please get some help. 

All the best. 

seen on quora

How do I teach my daughter (16) not to cry when I yell at her for doing something wrong?

Keep yelling at her, I dare you.

Watch as she learns to bite her lip to keep tears back. Watch as her voice drops to a whisper when you raise your voice, and her whole body freezes.

Listen as she slowly stops telling you when anything is wrong, as she withdraws into herself, and away from any space you're in.

You won't have to think too hard as to why she can't look you in the eye when you speak to her anymore. She's afraid of you now, isn't that what you wanted? She can't trust you anymore, how do you feel about that?

Don't you worry, she won't cry where you can see it anymore. She'll never come to you when she's upset, either, but that's fine, right?

Maybe she'll start to fight back. Maybe she'll learn to scream just as loud as you do, and to hell with the consequences. Maybe she'll find some other way to comfort her hurts.

Keep yelling at your daughter, go ahead. When she moves out for college, she won't call you to tell you how she's been. She might not even show up for Christmas. She will never be home to mess up anything for you anymore.

---

If you try to ‘teach' your daughter to not have a completely normal reaction to your verbal assaults of her, you will hurt her forever. You will hurt your relationship with her forever. Please, if you care at all, just stop. Don't shout. Don't berate her for crying. There are so many better ways.

If you are going to shout in anger or frustration, take a break. Come back when you can express yourself in a mature manner. If you are just shouting because you think it is the only thing that will have an effect on your daughter, I promise you that if you ask her how you can get through to her, she will have a better solution.

You are the person that can make a positive change. Your daughter won't cry when you yell if you don't yell at her. You can do better.

Thank you for reading

Updating my resume

Ivh been updating my resume. I could see.  After I made it to senior manager. Ivh been living in a dream. there's no position for assistant Team lead. So I just wait here. Not doing much of anything. I talk to people. Where did my drive and ambition do.  I don't see any progression path for me.  I don't know what  working for. I just feel so lost..

I need to get out so I can find it again.

Boss

Can I ask for some advice. Recently I sleep trained my baby coz at 9 months he still wasn't sleeping through the night. Before that he would wake up 2 to 5 times a night. Because of the sleep training he wakes up at 630am and sleeps at 730pm regardless of weekday or weekend. Sometimes he wakes up in the middle of the night once, but now it's rarely.

My office hours are 830 to 6 and I take 1 hour to get to or from work. I asked to report early at 730 so that I can reach home at 6pm so that I could spend some time with my baby.

The early hours and late nights are taking its toll on me. I'm still pumping and coz I don't have a maid I wake up at 530am and sleep at 11pm to pump and do chores. I have never fallen asleep at my table and I often I eat in and work so I can have a nap over lunch. Recently it's harder and harder to get up and harder and harder to stay awake. There was a briefing on a software which was just for information, coz the company wasn't going to pay for it. I couldn't help it. In the dark auditorium I fell asleep.

My boss spotted me and he wasn't happy. He told me to report later so that I won't be so tired. He doesn't understand how I feel. He is in his 50s and unmarried. Even if I report later theres no difference because I still can't sleep in coz I need to take care of baby when he wakes up. I'm struggling to stay awake and most days I oversleep my alarm and reach 15 mins late. But I always stay back later to compensate for it. I was scolded and told to reach on the dot.

How do you deal with a boss who doesn't know what it's like to be a parent? I feel like I'm losing my mind.

My boss

My boss is not understanding at all
I have a new baby
I know I changed my reporting time to 730.
I know I have been late 10 or 20 mins.
I know I haven't been on the dot. But I still try my best to complete all my work and I do work later to make up for it. But still reporting on the dot or even earlier than the dot is essential to him.

He accused me of being tired. He said that if I'm tired I should start later. He doesn't understand. That even if I start later I'm going to he just as tired because baby is awake anyway. He accused me for falling asleep at a briefing which I had thought of as useless, because we don't get to use the software anyway. What's the point of attending it? Everyone else was just using their laptop anyway. Maybe I should have used my laptop too. But to me, catching up on sleep just seemed so much more important. So that I can function properly and do work. But to him staying awake at a briefing of 150pax in a dark auditorium was more important. He told me that I should have gone to wash my face. I think next time I should just take leave instead.

He accused me of poor work performance. He used the HR online pages as example. He said that I'm supposed to clean everything throughly and check through. I did not expect that I'm supposed to do that. I thought that it had been done before very recently when Elicia was deadhead, hence I'm not sure why I'm doing it again, and why the whole thing changes now that I'm desk head although there's no policy change. If there is a policy change, yes I will scrub through everything. But for the ML page,  they only told me to insert a FAQ. I didn't know that the expectation was to go through everything.

He said that as a mx 11 I shouldn't expect him to still check through all my work. I agree, I don't need him to check. But to me, all of the changes so far are subjective. How would I know that he prefers me to use 'if' instead of 'perhaps'if I didn't check with him? And is it right of him to fault me for this,  really?

NS was late for yesterday's briefing. Whole unit of 10 people,  late for 20mins. Only 1 staff from their unit was there. I was blamed for their lateness, because I didn't send a reminder right before the briefing. Aren't we all working adults? I had set a reminder at 950am to pop up.

I just feel very demoralised and demotivated. There's no staff empowerment here. And everything I do is wrong. And there's no progression. I haven't learnt any new and valuable skills too. I think it's time to move on.

Sad

Some people want it all.  But I don't want nothing at all.  Missing you baby. Like I do baby. Some ppl want diamond rings. I dont want anything. If I aint got u baby. Nothing in this whole damn world doesn't mean a thing. If I ain't got u with me baby.

Ray Chan ❤

Coming back from genting

Today on the cab back from golden mile center
My 6 month old son melted down in the taxi. He just kept crying refused milk and pacifier and shaking
There was not enough space so I could barely do anything
In the end the only thing that worked was k pop on my handphone
All hail K-pop😅
The Indian taxi uncle was so amused by him. He kept adjusting the rear view mirror to peek at him. Think he went home to tell his wife 😅

Day at the vet

Brought Yuri to the vet for her review. Really glad that I changed vet. Bills are cheap and the people are nice too! I met 2 nice people at the vet today. One had a guinea pig the other had a shitzu. The one with the shitzu had been  mindef staff for 10 years. She seems proud of it. It's nice to see civil servants who are proud of their vocation. The shitzu had skin problems. Hopefully the shitzu will get better.  To my surprise the shitzu is an independent doggie. She doesn't whine and is well behaved. I'm glad to have met such nice people.

met my cousin

she told me she was pregnant

happy!