there are some very contradicting things about me

I hate that feeling heightened awareness of that presence near by that i feel obliged to talk to but i actually really need to be doing my work and being alone

I hate unexpected, uninvited, self invited, guests who turn up at my doorstep

I hate it when these guests talk loudly and are inconsiderate

I hate it when these guests are here to see other people not me, but i feel constantly obliged to go talk to them and entertain them when i really need to be doing my own things

I hate the telephone which always rings and on the line is people who are asking me to do things for them they can just directly ask themselves

I hate it when they sound annoyed on the phone when its not my bloody problem

Why do i have to oblige and help you when you dont help me

But at the same time i get really lonely when im left all alone

but with ray ray im perfectly happy and i wish this peace could last forever

where did the peacefulness and happiness go