sigh..

recently im just so sick and tired of people who judge me based on who i appear to be..

im so sick and tired of them having an image of me..

and they think that they can understand me, and that im transparent, and that they know exactly what im thinking, when i actually am not at all..

especially because i behave how i behave, because im just making life easier for everyone..

I intentionally wear all of these expressions, and these emotions on my face, so that its not a constant guessing game.. You won't have to be stressed and worried around me, constantly on your toes, and afraid of when im going to have my next mood swing, and flare up at that next person.. With all of these expressions, its more fun, and exciting, coz the expressions are funny, and i dont have to verbalise everything, you can just read it on my face. And its easier to make friends too. Especially since laughing breaks the ice, and the easiest way to make another person laugh, is to make a fool of yourself.

When in the past, i used to be expressionless, and emotionless me..

Maybe im just trying too hard to make life more carefree, more fun and exciting, more entertaining, for the people around me, that i neglect who i really am inside.

That people around me dont really understand it. The real me.

I just so sick of being shot at everyday, when the image that they are shooting at is just a facade for fun. Im so sick of having to defend myself.

But if i go back to being me, life would be so boring.

Back to being little miss goody goody two shoes, who is never wrong, never says anything out of place, is always serious, scolds people for being rude, selfish, unkind, unfair, and always felt years old beyond her age, while everyone else seemed so childish around her.

I think it all changed, when my mum told me "if you are so mean to your friends, you aren't going to have any friends left" when i told off yet another friend on the phone who was constantly being selfish and harassing me. (ok she stayed my friend, but heck i was still irritated)

I tried to change, but maybe i tried too hard. I became too nice.

was it worth it?

should i go back? unwrite the written?

Which one of you can honestly say that you know the real me?