mum

Dear Mummy. I really loved you. 

You taught me what love was like. 

I didn't realize your version of love was broken, and that it would break me. 

I've spent the past ten years unlearning what you taught me. Quieting what I thought was my inner voice, which was actually yours. Learning to be my biggest supporter instead of my biggest critic.

I wish you could be here to see it. And I wish that if you saw it, you would celebrate me. 

But I know you won't. And I have to learn to accept it. 

As much as I wish you would be my mummy. I now know you will never be.

self worth

I deserve love and respect just like anyone else.

I do not deserve any kind of punishment or abuse, even if I make mistakes.

I am worthy of kindness, compassion, and safety.

I honor my feelings and give myself grace.

Each day, I grow stronger and more at peace with myself.

journal entry

Here’s a journal-style reflection you can keep — to read when you feel confused, hurt, or pulled into other people’s chaos. Let this be your grounding truth.---Journal Note to SelfFor the days I feel judged or left behind.I’ve always tried to show up for people — in their pain, their messiness, their healing. I never asked for perfection, only honesty. But sometimes, people project their fears, wounds, or insecurities onto me — not because I did something wrong, but because they’re struggling to hold their own emotions.I don’t need to carry their discomfort.I don’t need to fit into someone else’s idea of “perfect” or “fixed.”I don’t need to defend my calm, my joy, my choices.If someone pulls away, talks behind my back, or sees my peace as threatening — that says more about where they are, than who I am. I am not a mirror for their pain. I am a whole person, allowed to have peace.And when people drift away after I’ve opened my heart, yes — it hurts. But that doesn’t mean I should close off or stop being me. I can still love openly, without losing myself.I trust that the right people — the ones who can sit with honesty, with respect, with care — will stay. Or find their way back when they’re ready. Until then, I keep choosing me.---Would you like this in a nicely formatted image, note, or even voice memo form to keep with you?

finding meaning in Ur life

The way u live must be in line with your values and what matters most

Life meaningful and satisfying

How you want to live your life

How you want to contribute to the world

You need to know exactly who you are

And exactly who you want to be 

dealing with low mood

Instead of working on impulse and what you want to do

Focus on purpose and health. What is it that you want to do that is purposeful and meaningful.

Do it in small changes. 

gratitude practice

I am grateful for my boss, she gave me an auralite crystal to help me improve on bravery.

I am grateful for my colleagues, I feel that we are a team and I feel supported deeply

adhd

Someone else wrote this 

I can relate to the way you explain it. I was 23 when i was diagnosed, i'm 25 now. I remember the day so clearly. 

First i was told that i was diagnosed with ADHD/ADD (i have smt in between they say, meaning it can effect my energy level or smt, but i primary have add)

And they explained how it "common" effect people, it suddenly made sense, like the things i've been strugeling with my whole life, and damm it ain't been easy. 

But that moment, it was like all the pieces in the puzzle fall together.

Also i did reflect on it instantly, remembering scenarios from me being a kid etc. 

And when i went out on the street again, going to my best friends place.

It was a roller coaster of emotions. I was crying, smiling, anxious and excited at same time. 

When i finally arrived at my friends place after a 10 minute walk, i knocked on the door, and instantly began to cry again, then i said "Hey, i have adhd", she hugged me and said "Welcome to the club". That suprised me so much, cause even tho she told me so many times, i always forget it, i still do! Cause when looking at her, or thinking about her, i'm not ever thinking adhd, its like its not a part of my view and universe with her. 

Thats how i learned that your diagnosis dosent define you, it just effect you. 

And you surely can learn to live with that. 

There WILL be people who don't understand. and that argue back that "can't it just be that you...." even when you just want someone to listen, so you can let out whatever its on you mind, or just want to tell and reflect that way. 

But there WILL also be people who understand, and that dosent argue back. 

Keep in mind that you still are the same person, just with a bit more knowledge about the terms and how it are effecting you.

- You had it before u knew about it, so its not something that defines you.

(Sry my english)

I read this today

River, Don't buy her story. If it weren't you, it would have been another reason that "her life was wrecked!" And that's the truth! As long as she has that orientation towards reality, (that she was trapped, that she had no options, that she took a wrong turn), she's frozen in time, and will not grow beyond it.

I don't know if this would be your thing or not, but visualization is a safe way to heal relationships. You would relax, then visualize your "higher self" talking calmly and congenially with her "higher self." You see yourself explaining to her that you have bought her story for far too long. You unplug a cord coming from her to you, and kindly and lovingly hand the unplugged end back to her. Saying, "thank you for all I have learned, but this belongs to you. We are two separate people. We can choose to love each other, but we are free, no longer plugged in as if we were one person, sharing the same story."

See her higher self understanding that she has been trapped in this story. That at each point where it looked like she had no options, she still made a choice. And that she has a choice now to let the past go and learn to become a person who has the ability to love. She can choose to open her heart and accept the tremendous gift that you, yourself, are. 

And for yourself, see your higher self nodding, acknowledging the truth that you were never a mistake, you are a gift. You are an opportunity for her closed heart to open, an invitation to see everything in a new and different way. See yourself holding open a door and encouraging her to walk through. 

Sit for a few moments absorbing the feeling of the new story, the true story, that you are not the "reason" her life was hard. You are the reason she survived it. Absorb the feeling of being as natural as a tree. You were always meant to be here. You yourself are the treasure. See the two of you kindly shaking hands, feeling peaceful and happy.

grief processing

today's swirling thoughts

Thought 1:

I got SC (C) instead of a HA (C+) 

Based on the hours I'm working I dont think what I'm getting is worth it

Should I stay on here and cruise, or should I not stay?

Where else can I find a place with this much flexibility?

Thought 2:

Should I rejoin my studio I graduated from?

Thought 3: 

I really want to quit everything. What am I living for? How can I find meaning in my work life?

Thought 4:

Where can I find a place that will accept me for my neurodivergence

Thought 5:

Mums side of Family has PALB gene

just as I am

I brought my kids to a play

Where the theme was to love yourself just as you are

To be strong against the naysayers

I almost cried during the show

After when I talked to my son about it

I asked him

M: Mummy loves Kyren. Other then mummy.who else should love Kyren?

K: Kyren should love Kyren. 

m: Yes

K: Why? 

M: Because no matter what. You should always love yourself

M: What do you love about yourself?

K: I love that I'm very skinny, if people want to eat me. They will say oh no. No meat. So nobody will eat me.

M: One day if u r not skinny anymore but u are fat will you still love yourself?

K: Yes. I will love my fats.

M: No matter what, you must always love your self, no matter what size or weight you are ok.

Your size and weight doesn't matter, there's always something good about you to love

Mummy loves u no matter what. Do u know that?

K: Does mummy love mummy? 

M: Yes, mummy loves mummy.

I almost cried because I realised no, Im not being honest with him. But if I have to lie to my child to get him to believe in self love, I will, so that he will have it better then me

Because sometimes I hate myself and I want it to all end

questions

1. Are my thoughts useful

2. How do they behave?

Question: “Are these thoughts useful?”

Answer: “No. I’m talking to myself about the past and a situation that cannot be changed.” 

Question: “How do these thoughts behave?”

Answer: “Like a little frustrated child who needs a nap.” 

depression

I'm scared of telling you how I feel

I'm sad but I smile and that's my life

It hurts but I'm ok I'm used to it

I lied coz I don't want you to know how much it hurts me

It hurts when you tried your best but it just wasn't good enough

I acted like it wasn't a big deal but really it was breaking my heart

I'm so tired I don't want to try anymore

I wish that I could sleep and not wake up

I don't know what to feel anymore

my new boss

What’s most frustrating about this situation

My new boss is young and inexperienced. She is too logical and doesnt know how to handle other people's emotions. I am scared by the things she says. I am worried she will become exactly like my old boss because the replies she gives and how she handles people are the same.

How do you think your actions contributed to this frustration

I think because we are complete opposites. She doesn't understand me. We misunderstand each other. She doesn't realise the impact her words has on be because she is a first time boss.

How do others view this situation, what’s their story

Others don't have as much interaction with her as I have.so far she is ok to them.

Are you worried about something that’s within your control or outside it

I am worried that she might dislike me. That it is outside of my control to change her perception of me.

What do you expect as the outcome of this conflict

I want her to like me.

What have you done to resolve it

Maybe I'll spend more time to talk to her and get to know her so she will like me.

What does this teach you about yourself and others

Need to make time for each other to get to know each other better to not have so many misunderstandings. People who value different things might not make the effort to get to know me. But that's ok I can be the bigger person and get to know them. 

for the post I didn't dare to reply to. keeping as a self note. closing this chapter

Im just like you. Whenever I got stabbed always I kept quiet and kept it to myself. I used to think that my actions speak louder then words and people know me and that I'm not someone like that and I don't want to paint her badly so I don't say anything back. I also used to think that this is a childish phase people would outgrow.

But my career coach told me that I'm actually doing myself a disservice and I. Should just tell everyone what really happened and stand up for myself.

I started to realize wherever you go no matter how high you climb no matter how old you get this always seems to repeat. Now it's a colleague. In the future it might even be your boss. 

People who say that your manager should manage her well are right. But it's too idealistic. In a perfect world yes. But in reality. How many managers are well trained enough to know how to handle this? Most of them are just trying to figure out being a supervisor day to day on top of their work duties. Some of them don't even care until you throw your resignation letter then they say "oh I didn't know it bothered you so much why didn't you talk to me?" 

The people who ostracized you are easily swayed sheep. I know it's easy to be hurt by this. But focus on the big picture and focus on what's important. Are they important to you? If yes do something about it. It no. Then stand up for yourself and ignore the noise.

What matters is you gotta be strong and learn how to deal with it.

For your sanity. For your future. For your happiness.

Also if you think that you might be facing depression. Please get some help. 

All the best. 

seen on quora

How do I teach my daughter (16) not to cry when I yell at her for doing something wrong?

Keep yelling at her, I dare you.

Watch as she learns to bite her lip to keep tears back. Watch as her voice drops to a whisper when you raise your voice, and her whole body freezes.

Listen as she slowly stops telling you when anything is wrong, as she withdraws into herself, and away from any space you're in.

You won't have to think too hard as to why she can't look you in the eye when you speak to her anymore. She's afraid of you now, isn't that what you wanted? She can't trust you anymore, how do you feel about that?

Don't you worry, she won't cry where you can see it anymore. She'll never come to you when she's upset, either, but that's fine, right?

Maybe she'll start to fight back. Maybe she'll learn to scream just as loud as you do, and to hell with the consequences. Maybe she'll find some other way to comfort her hurts.

Keep yelling at your daughter, go ahead. When she moves out for college, she won't call you to tell you how she's been. She might not even show up for Christmas. She will never be home to mess up anything for you anymore.

---

If you try to ‘teach' your daughter to not have a completely normal reaction to your verbal assaults of her, you will hurt her forever. You will hurt your relationship with her forever. Please, if you care at all, just stop. Don't shout. Don't berate her for crying. There are so many better ways.

If you are going to shout in anger or frustration, take a break. Come back when you can express yourself in a mature manner. If you are just shouting because you think it is the only thing that will have an effect on your daughter, I promise you that if you ask her how you can get through to her, she will have a better solution.

You are the person that can make a positive change. Your daughter won't cry when you yell if you don't yell at her. You can do better.

Thank you for reading

Updating my resume

Ivh been updating my resume. I could see.  After I made it to senior manager. Ivh been living in a dream. there's no position for assistant Team lead. So I just wait here. Not doing much of anything. I talk to people. Where did my drive and ambition do.  I don't see any progression path for me.  I don't know what  working for. I just feel so lost..

I need to get out so I can find it again.

Boss

Can I ask for some advice. Recently I sleep trained my baby coz at 9 months he still wasn't sleeping through the night. Before that he would wake up 2 to 5 times a night. Because of the sleep training he wakes up at 630am and sleeps at 730pm regardless of weekday or weekend. Sometimes he wakes up in the middle of the night once, but now it's rarely.

My office hours are 830 to 6 and I take 1 hour to get to or from work. I asked to report early at 730 so that I can reach home at 6pm so that I could spend some time with my baby.

The early hours and late nights are taking its toll on me. I'm still pumping and coz I don't have a maid I wake up at 530am and sleep at 11pm to pump and do chores. I have never fallen asleep at my table and I often I eat in and work so I can have a nap over lunch. Recently it's harder and harder to get up and harder and harder to stay awake. There was a briefing on a software which was just for information, coz the company wasn't going to pay for it. I couldn't help it. In the dark auditorium I fell asleep.

My boss spotted me and he wasn't happy. He told me to report later so that I won't be so tired. He doesn't understand how I feel. He is in his 50s and unmarried. Even if I report later theres no difference because I still can't sleep in coz I need to take care of baby when he wakes up. I'm struggling to stay awake and most days I oversleep my alarm and reach 15 mins late. But I always stay back later to compensate for it. I was scolded and told to reach on the dot.

How do you deal with a boss who doesn't know what it's like to be a parent? I feel like I'm losing my mind.

My boss

My boss is not understanding at all
I have a new baby
I know I changed my reporting time to 730.
I know I have been late 10 or 20 mins.
I know I haven't been on the dot. But I still try my best to complete all my work and I do work later to make up for it. But still reporting on the dot or even earlier than the dot is essential to him.

He accused me of being tired. He said that if I'm tired I should start later. He doesn't understand. That even if I start later I'm going to he just as tired because baby is awake anyway. He accused me for falling asleep at a briefing which I had thought of as useless, because we don't get to use the software anyway. What's the point of attending it? Everyone else was just using their laptop anyway. Maybe I should have used my laptop too. But to me, catching up on sleep just seemed so much more important. So that I can function properly and do work. But to him staying awake at a briefing of 150pax in a dark auditorium was more important. He told me that I should have gone to wash my face. I think next time I should just take leave instead.

He accused me of poor work performance. He used the HR online pages as example. He said that I'm supposed to clean everything throughly and check through. I did not expect that I'm supposed to do that. I thought that it had been done before very recently when Elicia was deadhead, hence I'm not sure why I'm doing it again, and why the whole thing changes now that I'm desk head although there's no policy change. If there is a policy change, yes I will scrub through everything. But for the ML page,  they only told me to insert a FAQ. I didn't know that the expectation was to go through everything.

He said that as a mx 11 I shouldn't expect him to still check through all my work. I agree, I don't need him to check. But to me, all of the changes so far are subjective. How would I know that he prefers me to use 'if' instead of 'perhaps'if I didn't check with him? And is it right of him to fault me for this,  really?

NS was late for yesterday's briefing. Whole unit of 10 people,  late for 20mins. Only 1 staff from their unit was there. I was blamed for their lateness, because I didn't send a reminder right before the briefing. Aren't we all working adults? I had set a reminder at 950am to pop up.

I just feel very demoralised and demotivated. There's no staff empowerment here. And everything I do is wrong. And there's no progression. I haven't learnt any new and valuable skills too. I think it's time to move on.

Sad

Some people want it all.  But I don't want nothing at all.  Missing you baby. Like I do baby. Some ppl want diamond rings. I dont want anything. If I aint got u baby. Nothing in this whole damn world doesn't mean a thing. If I ain't got u with me baby.

Ray Chan ❤