Grief is a natural response to loss. It’s the emotional suffering you feel when something or someone you love is taken away. You may associate grief with the death of a loved one – and this type of loss does often cause the most intense grief. But any loss can cause grief. The more significant the loss, the more intense the grief. However, even subtle losses can lead to grief. 

The five stages of grief:

• Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
• Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”
• Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”
• Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”
• Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what happened.”

Coping with grief and loss tip 2: Take care of yourself

How to cope with distance

Know that while it may not seem that way, they'll be back soon. If you find yourself missing them, tell yourself that and find something else to do/think about.

Don't act as if you won't survive without them. It only makes the situation worse. Sure, you miss them, but there are other important things in life.

http://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-Missing-Your-Significant-Other

looks like I just need to keep trying harder although all I feel like doing right now is mope around and be all by myself at home and wish that if i closed and opened my eyes i'd be tomorrow already and i'd blink 40 times.. 

workplace facade

recently I realized there is no point in maintaining the veneer of patience I used to hold for everyone

because there is no point forging friendships at the workplace

all of it is paper thin and commitments and none of it will last longer than their bosses orders

thus there is no point in being agreeable or amicable. because there are alot of selfish, self centered idiots with ZERO EQ who will just think that you are a pushover rather then being friendly.

instead it is more formidable to draw lines so that people do not overstep their boundaries. more importantly, show people that you have limits to test so they will think twice before pushing you. you need to prove it to them subtly. no words spoken. no emails sent. just that silent, deathly aura.

and all that jazz about team building? about working together so that the department progresses rather than self?

hell lot of bull. after 1 day of workshop everyone goes back to being themselves.

I need to work on my aura of death. it's not that I don't feel it. I'm too good at concealing it. because Ivh always known that in friendships, getting angry will get you nowhere. just makes the other party frustrated and does not help mutual understanding.

so alot of people just assume that I nvr get angry at all. and when they ask me to show it to them, I don't. they just assume that I'm a smiley person who never gets angry. how silly these people are! they don't realize that I'm doing all of these for our friendship. why on earth do you want me to get mad at you? it's like breaking the seal to open a new bottle. the first time it might be tough but progressively it gets easier and easier until one day the cap doesn't even close anymore. why would you want that? people who can't hold their temper or emotions in check don't make very good friends.

so I'd just smile. and I think to myself. it doesn't matter to me that you don't understand how i think. because most probably you view the world so simply that you don't even understand how anyone thinks. more importantly, because I have real friends that do. so you mean nothing to me. and I genuinely do not mind your foolish actions. I dote on you like an uncle will dote on a foolish child who knows none the better.

but not anymore.

now I try very hard to display emotions that your actions should have invoked. I try my best to display it very prominently on my face. its hard especially when one has cultivated nothing but patience and understanding these years. last time i perfected my best face are because I know it's hilarious or because I know that it can help me to get out of sticky situations just my looking blur.

now none of these faces help me to get out of the places I despise. so now I will need to perfect my "you are the bane of this earth" and my "what nonsense are you talking about" and the "i know exactly what you are talking about but it doesn't concern me so just shut up and listen because I don't have time to listen to you babble" and the "I'm stressed don't approach me" and the "I don't take nonsense so watch what you say" or the "how could you do or say that" or the "don't piss me off I know exactly what you are talking about" face or the "I really don't have the time for this" face or the "are you an idiot what are you doing?" face

so my dear real friends, please don't mind me if I'm a little strange or different. just give me a poke and let me know that the mask is up and I'm displaying emotions I don't really feel.

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I dislike you

Why do we all dislike them?

Maybe it's because they go against everything that we have been taught and drilled by our parents since we were young
1) don't talk loudly in public places
2) do not perform unhygienic acts like digging your nose, spitting, etc
3) be considerate towards others
4) queue up
5) don't push
6) do not create a spectacle in public

And they always have to commit all of these "crimes" really loudly, drawing our attention to them.

And they are not young so we cannot dismiss their imprudence as innocence

SIGH

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I hate you

you never appreciate anything you receive
you only nag at me and push me away
and you know the things which annoy me and the sounds I hate
but you will purposely do them to annoy me
my anger is your pleasure
you are a real bitch

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You! You there with the hat!

You have a brain! Why dont you use it to think before shooting off your mouth?

Not all arguments are worth winning.

So what if you win the argument? What fame, glory and honor do you garner from having won? It just shows to the world that you are an ignorant, bigoted, hypocrite who is a busybody and enjoys bashing other people on their walls on things that they care about but aren't even worth 2 cents to you. You are a small man. And you are a very free man at the same time. You have time to spend on a SATURDAY NIGHT on facebook, stalking, commenting and belittling other people's opinions and comments. You view yourself as a purveyor of your so called justice. When all you are is just a sad keyboard warrior, all alone on a SATURDAY NIGHT when anybody with a social life would be out at this hour, or asleep from exhaustion of a eventful life during the day.

Does silence mean that you have won? In my opinion if you arguing with me, no it does not. It just means that it was not a topic worth arguing with you over. I'm much more magnanimous than that.

What does it mean to me if i actually stand up to you and argue back? It shows that this is a topic of contention. Something that i feel strongly about. Something worth arguing.

I might be a passive person. However when something like gets my blood boiling, or the issue means alot to me, I will stand up and fight. Having won the argument only means to me that I have shown to you that I am not someone to be stepped on. Because I did not go and pick the argument with you. I am solely defending my own ground. There is a stark difference between the two.

Dreams

I think that people with confusing dreams are people who try to hard to deceive themselves

my dreams are straight and clear and remind me of what I lost or what I desire.

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the truth

Most of you will end up in activities which involve communication. To those of you I have a second message: be wary of the truth. I’m not asking you to speak it, or write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or impossible to do those things. The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth. Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating. There is also great skill. Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences. It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence.

In order to be wary of the truth, you must first know it. That requires great frankness to yourself. Never fool the person in the mirror.

be hated

I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truth. I now say this to you: be hated.

It’s not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross.

One does not have to be evil to be hated. In fact, it’s often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one’s own convictions. It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average. That cannot be your role. There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.

http://halfhalf.posterous.com/dont-work-be-hated-love-someone

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sick

so sick of saying things I don't mean
I only say it because I know it's the right thing to say
is this really the right thing to do

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loner

what's wrong with me
when did I rather be alone than in a crowd
to the extent that I'd rather pretend I was on a bus than take a lift from someone
so that I could go to work alone
when did Facebook stop being my own
and become a place where I can put up a font
it's all part of a big stunt

so sick of putting up a smiley facade
so sick of always having to take the initiative to be friendly
so sick of always pretending that everything is ok
so sick of being put on a 2nd tier pedestrial
so sick of pretending that I don't understand when I do
so sick of having to keep my face neutral
so sick of being caught in the middle
tired of being jack of all trades, master of none

maybe I just need more sleep

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