I hate my life

I feel like I hate my life

I hate my mum
She has never done anything that mattered to me for me. I wish that I don't hav to give a shit about her needs. I hate that im getting married and she doesn't giv a damn. I hav to do all of the planning and inviting.  She is never there when I need her for the big things. Always giving me grief about the insignificant.

I hate my job
It sucks that minister says go and everyone rolls around like an idiot
It sucks that my boss always lose at taichi

I hate my colleagues
My subordinate is always trying to push work to me. I get blamed when they dont do stuff right. I do their stuff but I don't get any credit 4 it
One colleague is so annoying n always talking to herself
The other one is like in twilight zone coz she is leaving. Always spaced out.

I hate my current house
Its leaking and my mum fucking refuses to do anything about it. Just keeps comparing prices and accuses the contractor of trying to cheat her and of being from china. Sprawling concrete and paint chipping off everywhere

I hate my static
Negative ppl. Ppl getting carried.  People hatin on each other.  Ppl not being responsible or updating and expecting the whole world to stop and wait 4 em or drop everything n wait 4 em.

I hate that my rabbits are sick and aren't getting better. Im so tired from all of the medicine feeding and the wound washing and application and it feels like the nightmare is never going to stop because I feel a fucking new lump and we might have to do surgery.

I hate my body.
I hate that I don't have time to work out. That im in the office at 7pm rushing an update and I stress eat. That my belly fat balloons up and down week to week. That I ache terribly every night after I wake up in my shitty 200 dollar bed. That I hav high cholesterol and low calcium and I hav to control my diet. And that I need to eat 1 fruit a day to shit but all my mum buys are inedible starfruits and some shit that rotts b4 I get to eat it.

I hate my dysfunctional family.
Its always who is arguing with who. And who we hav to go visit just to show face. And how its a competition on who has visited who more. Seriously who has time for this shit.

I wish I could dump all of this and just start over new somewhere else

I fucking hate that I just need hdb to send me a letter and I can escape from 90% of this hell hole. I can get a fucking new job without worrying about all of the travelling.

I hate that im in whatsapp groups that I don't even want to be in.

Election duties

Today I nearly got the election duty post that ivh always wanted

But then I stupidly went and gave it away

When I found out that I wasnt going to get the chance I had a mixture of shock and disbelief

I really dislike that woman. Who prevented me from going. But then I cant really blame her because she didnt specifically single me out like adeline.

How did this happen? 

Well after I was asked u know who came bounding over and asked very loudly what is going on and what she was missing out on.

So I knew for the longest time that both of us really wanted to do the job. And caroline just said that she needed 5 more people. So I asked her if she wanted to sign up too.

I saw that caroline took a while to turn. I thought nothing of it. Perhaps I was too soft as usual. Later I realised its because she was composing herself.

Caroline asked her seriously "u sure u wana do it? Cannot do wrongly very serious one leh" caroline gave her a worried look. To which e was her usual self and just shook like a leaf in the wind, pranced around and happily said 'yes! Of coz can one lah' den she went to ask hy if she wanted to join too. And ended up all 3 of us signed up.

I should have seen the signs. How she hurried to leave after she got my name.  How she 'didnt' hear my hints about the other 2 ppl. How reluctantly she turned. How she walked away saying that yf is gg to kill her.

When the call to my boss came, and he said that elicia and I couldn't get involved coz of tkps. I was really disappointed. F tkps incident. If tkps incident then why let me sign up in the first place.

I felt so disappointed. And they kept talking about it. About what its like to do election duty. I tried to hold my tears back. I drank water and told myself that ppl dont always get what they want.

I felt disappointed with them.  But at the same time I felt like they wernt to blame. I guess I only have myself to blame.

Im too nice.  I didnt seize the opportunity.  I shared it with others. In the end I lost it.

And I have nobody to blame but myself.

If I didn't call e over to join this wouldn't have happened.

But then I would have lived with the guilt and wonder of what would have happened if I nvr asked her to join and if it was unfair of me.

I would never have learnt that there indeed is different treatment btwn her and me by others and I should cherish it.

Boss really is good at treating all of us equally and I appreciate it.

It was a good learning experience. And a small price to pay.

And I should not regret.

Work quotes

I have come to the conclusion that the most updated policy is the policy is boss' s head - elicia

You cannot rationalize something with people who are irrational. Especially when they are emotional - cheryuan

Self note:relationships and MILs

http://time.com/3154651/6-things-to-do-to-improve-your-relationship/

1) do exciting things
2) pretend its ur first date
3) good things to bad things ratio
5:1

For MIL it should be
1000:1

And they are not kidding D:

The strength of human attachment

When in the presence of a caregiver,  the infant brain’s fear and avoidance circuits are suppressed. Attachment “programs the brain,” she says. “The ability of an adult who can say to you, I had a horrible childhood, I don’t like my parents, but then do things to continue to get the parents’ approval, is an example of the strength of human attachment in early life.”

http://www.slate.com/articles/life/family/2013/02/abusive_parents_what_do_grown_children_owe_the_mothers_and_fathers_who_made.2.html

The man's hard truths of life

On being complacent: “What I fear is complacency. When things always become better, people tend to want more for less work.” Speech at the 10th Anniversary Celebrations of the Jalan Tenteram Community Centre, 27th June 1970 Lee Kuan Yew in his own words, 1959-1970

On corporal punishment: “I have never understood why Western educationists are so much against corporal punishment. It did my fellow students and me no harm.” 1998, The Wit & Wisdom of Lee Kuan Yew

8 qualities to strive for

https://agenda.weforum.org/2015/03/8-ways-to-spot-a-truly-exceptional-employee/?utm_content=buffer2fd2e&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer

The funniest day ever

Boss left and nellie and I were talking. Suddenlu peter appeared and nellie ducked. She was trying to hide below her 1/2 dividor. Confirm still can see. I told her to go lower. She really go under the table. I tell u laugh until cannot keep it in. Some more cannot laugh too loud later peter come over!! Funniest day ever

She told me we accept her. I told her I tolerate her. If I accept her I won't have any complaints I wont tell her that must improve and change

A family just your yours

Key take away:

There is a trope among personal finance reporters that a good talk with the family is the best way to avoid post-death struggles over your estate when you are gone. Sit down with your loved ones over the holidays. Let your children know your estate plans after you’re done carving the turkey, or opening presents underneath the Christmas tree. Tell them about your will, and how you’d like to see your belongings divided up. Convey some life values while you’re at it. Ask for their input. “The kids may surprise you with their own good ideas about how to sharing (sic) your estate

Then there’s reality. There’s barely a person over the age of 40 or so who does not come with a family squabble about, well, things following the death of a well-loved parent, grandparent, or family friend. At the high end, one hears about vacation homes that have been in the family for generations. But most disputes concern less valuable stuff. There are tales told of deeply loved relatives never spoken to again after battles over items like needlepoints and toolkits, living-room tchotchkes or costume jewelry. The battles are often over items that aren’t financially worth an hour of the most inexpensive lawyer’s time.

http://www.slate.com/articles/business/moneybox/2015/02/robin_williams_estate_fight_even_good_planning_can_t_prevent_a_rancorous.html?wpsrc=fol_fb

Absentee mum

You were never there for the things that mattered
But you were there for me everyday