Why am i so obsessed with the fair folk?

Maybe because i sincerely wish that the stories are true.

that voices really do whisper in the dark

that if you are special, fair folk are really out to get you. they will follow you around.

http://schizophreniadiaries.com/recovery-stories/long-process-of-learning-that-youre-sick/

but i guess the truth is just that you have schizophrenia. And unless you realise it i can never make you better. and i can never live a normal life.

This makes me cry.

I want the same things too


Just another normal day in my life.
http://schizophreniadiaries.com/family-members/still-dealing-with-schizophrenic-mother/

dont know what you want in life?

try this: http://www.ivillage.co.uk/what-career-will-suit-your-personality/121527

This description is a generalisation. If it rings true, you've found your career type.

You would be very happy in a career that utilised your people skills. You want a career that allows you to stimulate your senses and your mind. Some careers that would be perfect for you are: 

• Actor
• Recruitment Consultant
• Politician
• Marketing
• Psychologist
• Religious Minister
• Teacher
• Social Worker
• Human Resources Manager
• Sales
• Lawyer
• Advertising

 

You are a great leader. You genuinely enjoy being around other people. Your relationships with others are very important to you. You love talking and meeting new people. You are very enthusiastic about work and about all that you do and have in your life. You love being the focus of attention. You enjoy a fast pace. You are very socially oriented. Therefore, you are much happier being with others than you are alone. You crave interaction with others. 

 

You are very spontaneous and often act before you think. You are always quick to answer when you are asked a question, even if you aren't sure of the answer. It is easier for you to improvise as you go along. You enjoy thinking out loud, and are most creative when brainstorming with friends or colleagues. You enjoy being involved in many activities. 

 

You are very easy to read, and often wear your heart on your sleeve. You are never afraid to tell people what you think. You are very empathetic and genuine. You can sometimes be seen as over-emotional or too involved by others. But that is only because you tend to get so involved in the things you do that they become personal. You want to be adored, loved and appreciated. You like to please others and to make sure people are happy. 

 

You trust what is certain. You only like new ideas if they can be practically applied to the situation. You value what is real. You use your common sense. You like to utilise the skills you have instead of learning new ones. You are very specific and detailed when writing or talking to others. You follow directions well. You like things to be laid out for you to do instead of working them out for yourself. You like decisions to be made. You don't like leaving things in limbo. You like to know what you are getting into before you commit to something. 

 

You like to focus on the here and now. You enjoy completing projects. It is important for you to achieve and succeed. Therefore, you believe in working hard and playing later. You like to set goals and work towards them.

 

Finding a career that is right for you isn't always an easy thing. However, if you secure a job that is suited to your personality type you will enjoy going to work, feel great about yourself, feel appreciated and look forward to what's ahead. 

 

This test was adapted from C. G. Jung's famous personality types.

Read more: What career will suit your personality? | iVillage UK http://www.ivillage.co.uk/what-career-will-suit-your-personality/121527#ixzz21AtxcaF3
Parenting: Information & advice

SPilt

I think I have 2 sides of me

the daring adventurous side. the friendly gregarious warm and outgoing side. the side that talks alot, laughs alot and never lets a challenge slide. the side that will stare at you daringly in the eyes until you back down. the side that wants to lead everyone else to a better place. the side that always gets her way.

then there's the side that rather not talk to anyone. it's scared of everything. scared of rejection to the point that it'd rather be alone. I'd rather not look into your eyes because I'm afraid of what I will see in them.

I realise that I switch between these 2 individuals at regular intervals. sometimes it's a fixed period of time. sometimes it's not.

I was born loud and bossy
after I got scolded by an uncle for the first time in my life at 2 years old I became soft and mousey.
I stared at the world go past with teary eyes.
I regained my confidence in kindergarten. I set the rules my 2 lackeys would follow.
in p1 to p2 I had a best friend.
I was a teacher favorite. excited to learn. always has answers. i shut my mouth in p4 when I realized that people disliked me for having good grades and being a "pet"and my parents divorced.
I had a group of friends again from p5 to 6. I felt like I belonged again.
I clammed up again in sec school. s1-4 I was quiet. the weight of their divorce weighed on me.
j1-2 was the most boisterous days of my life.
UNi 1-4 I was quiet. there were politics best avoided.
work 1/2 I was just me. lived life in an excited dream.
work 2nd half. I should go back to being the me in my lower primary days.

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the whole world..

whenever you want something badly enough the whole world will conspire against you such that you don't get it.

if I see that bus driver again I wish that I could bitch slap him.

annoying bugger who is damn slow that my prime time bus reaches the office busstop at 8.30am together with the bus after him and the bus before him reaches the office busstop at 8.05am.

something needs to be done!!

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on time

I realized that when I reach work on time I am acutely aware of the passing of time.

feels like forever

5.30 when r u coming?!

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would you

If you don't have anyone to share your happiness with would you feel sad?

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Grief is a natural response to loss. It’s the emotional suffering you feel when something or someone you love is taken away. You may associate grief with the death of a loved one – and this type of loss does often cause the most intense grief. But any loss can cause grief. The more significant the loss, the more intense the grief. However, even subtle losses can lead to grief. 

The five stages of grief:

• Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
• Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”
• Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”
• Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”
• Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what happened.”

Coping with grief and loss tip 2: Take care of yourself

How to cope with distance

Know that while it may not seem that way, they'll be back soon. If you find yourself missing them, tell yourself that and find something else to do/think about.

Don't act as if you won't survive without them. It only makes the situation worse. Sure, you miss them, but there are other important things in life.

http://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-Missing-Your-Significant-Other

looks like I just need to keep trying harder although all I feel like doing right now is mope around and be all by myself at home and wish that if i closed and opened my eyes i'd be tomorrow already and i'd blink 40 times.. 

workplace facade

recently I realized there is no point in maintaining the veneer of patience I used to hold for everyone

because there is no point forging friendships at the workplace

all of it is paper thin and commitments and none of it will last longer than their bosses orders

thus there is no point in being agreeable or amicable. because there are alot of selfish, self centered idiots with ZERO EQ who will just think that you are a pushover rather then being friendly.

instead it is more formidable to draw lines so that people do not overstep their boundaries. more importantly, show people that you have limits to test so they will think twice before pushing you. you need to prove it to them subtly. no words spoken. no emails sent. just that silent, deathly aura.

and all that jazz about team building? about working together so that the department progresses rather than self?

hell lot of bull. after 1 day of workshop everyone goes back to being themselves.

I need to work on my aura of death. it's not that I don't feel it. I'm too good at concealing it. because Ivh always known that in friendships, getting angry will get you nowhere. just makes the other party frustrated and does not help mutual understanding.

so alot of people just assume that I nvr get angry at all. and when they ask me to show it to them, I don't. they just assume that I'm a smiley person who never gets angry. how silly these people are! they don't realize that I'm doing all of these for our friendship. why on earth do you want me to get mad at you? it's like breaking the seal to open a new bottle. the first time it might be tough but progressively it gets easier and easier until one day the cap doesn't even close anymore. why would you want that? people who can't hold their temper or emotions in check don't make very good friends.

so I'd just smile. and I think to myself. it doesn't matter to me that you don't understand how i think. because most probably you view the world so simply that you don't even understand how anyone thinks. more importantly, because I have real friends that do. so you mean nothing to me. and I genuinely do not mind your foolish actions. I dote on you like an uncle will dote on a foolish child who knows none the better.

but not anymore.

now I try very hard to display emotions that your actions should have invoked. I try my best to display it very prominently on my face. its hard especially when one has cultivated nothing but patience and understanding these years. last time i perfected my best face are because I know it's hilarious or because I know that it can help me to get out of sticky situations just my looking blur.

now none of these faces help me to get out of the places I despise. so now I will need to perfect my "you are the bane of this earth" and my "what nonsense are you talking about" and the "i know exactly what you are talking about but it doesn't concern me so just shut up and listen because I don't have time to listen to you babble" and the "I'm stressed don't approach me" and the "I don't take nonsense so watch what you say" or the "how could you do or say that" or the "don't piss me off I know exactly what you are talking about" face or the "I really don't have the time for this" face or the "are you an idiot what are you doing?" face

so my dear real friends, please don't mind me if I'm a little strange or different. just give me a poke and let me know that the mask is up and I'm displaying emotions I don't really feel.

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I dislike you

Why do we all dislike them?

Maybe it's because they go against everything that we have been taught and drilled by our parents since we were young
1) don't talk loudly in public places
2) do not perform unhygienic acts like digging your nose, spitting, etc
3) be considerate towards others
4) queue up
5) don't push
6) do not create a spectacle in public

And they always have to commit all of these "crimes" really loudly, drawing our attention to them.

And they are not young so we cannot dismiss their imprudence as innocence

SIGH

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