Grandpa

How did you get so lonely

I dont know when it happened

Or when it dawned upon you

That you were alone

And you started to feel lonely

I told you to call if you need me

I didn't dare to ask more

But I knew that they didnt come to visit anymore

I side stepped the questions

Tried to ask about those that I knew did

Maybe that's when the loneliness started

I asked about breakfast

To learn even your friends had left you

The intrinsic motivation within

It keeps crying out

But I kept it shushed with practicality

But why does it feel like

I didnt know how to say no

Told myself accepting it would make him happy

Why do I feel

Feel like ivh just sinned

I told myself I would use it for him

To breathe life back in again

This I will do

But for other aspects

I dont want to over promise what I cant deliver

I don't want to make promises I will break

I dont think there's any right or wrong

But more of whats more important right now

To look on to life with the living

Or to look back

And sustain the life of the leaving

im confused

Maybe I just need to read some self help guides

The divorcee

She broke down and cried
Told me about her divorce
And her colleagues
And how her dad told her that she had no people skills

The truth about random strangers

Finding out that  a random stranger made the effort to say happy birthday to me at work

Im genuinely surprised and happy

Finding out that he actually takes the effort to IM me each day

Im surprised but suspicious but I don't really bother to reply much to him

Finding out that he finds me "pretty" "sweet" "attractive"

Im flattered but I don't bother to respond to him

Finding out that he has a car and stays at yishun and would like to offer me a lift

I quickly say no

Finding out that he is leaving

A tiny part of me feels sad to have another less friend to say hi to

Finding out that he wants to know if im attached

Im suspicious beyond belief but I dont bother to reply to him

Finding out that he has a girlfriend whom he is looking at ec in woodlands with

I ask myself what motive does he have in talking to me

When he left...

Finding out via facebook that the guy who has been chatting me up at work via IM is actually married with a kid

Im unbelievably disgusted beyond belief

What kind of game was he playing????

A post about. .

Love life children sibilings falling out and death

Praise

Today boss told me that he was impressed by my presentation

I thought that he was going to say that it was due to me knowing alot

I was more surprised that he said that it was due to my confidence during my presentation

He said that AD thinks that im shy and that if customers scold or bully me I will cry. So I should try to exlude more confidence infront of AD Like during the presentation

Well I was in too much shock from the praise to respond intelligently

Should have told him that
1) appear soft spoken because of respect. Afraid that if im too loud it will be disrespectful.
2) im also new, should learn first rather then insist on my way
3) I may look soft, but im made of steel. I wont cry even if the customer scolds me. Im good at taking it in my stride.
4) if boss scolds me, will be sad but most important is to learn from mistakes
5) if I need to be firm and hard, I can be the very assertive, firm and demanding. However that is not always the way to go, people might do it but will be very unhappy inside.  I prefer to go the soft way to get the job done, and have happy people. When you are nice to them, people are more inclined to reciprocate and be nice to you.
6) I can be very scary, e.g. to suppliers everytime I scold them on the phone my colleague says that its very scary. But I choose not to.

Maybe 6 points is a bit verbal Diahorrea.. should have just told him that its an impression people have but its not true.. im like (cant figure out what is soft outside but hard inside)..

Hmmm...

Glutton for punishment

You make me doubt my self worth
Make me ask myself what can I possibly be good at
Make me feel worthless
Make me wonder what is it that they have that I dont

I try to confort myself that im much better then you
Not everyone is good at the same things
Some people are better thn others in some areas
But I cant find anything worth mentioning that isn't superficial

So I need to find a way to love me
Find a way to validate my worth
Its hard but
I think ill make it
Somehow

So silly for falling into your nice trap
Such a fool for not believing in myself
I dont need to find recognition in your eyes
When you will just treat me worse every time

Stop going back
Stop letting it bother me
Stop being
A glutton for punishment

Damn you smrt

6 mins waiting time instead of 3 min interval
30 mins to je from woodlands instead od 20 mins
Train so crowded like f*** I cant even get on at je. Spend 10 mins at the platform instead of 5
15 mins from je to bouna vista instead of 10

My 35 min journey via mrt has just transformed into 1 hour.  and i havent even included the travelling time from home to the station. Well done smrt. Well done.

Self centered selfish b*

She was saying

B: I never list my employer's namd on facebook. Otherwise whatever you say they know

We told her about the ntuc case where she  didn't put any employer but still they caught her and dismissed her. Warned her that as long as its racist or opionated shouldn't say on a the internet

B:its so sad right? As public servant everything also cannot say. Everything also they want to control. Don't you think it's sad?

We stared at her queerly. No I don't think its sad

I wanted to continue to say

Because I believe that as long as its not constructive, rude, or might hurt somebody  I don't see a point in saying it.

But I thought that it was rude so I kept my thoughts to myself

I wanted to tell her. If your comments dont add value to the situation and only hurt others, why do you even say it. Its not going to change anything. What benefit do you derive from saying it.

Knowing how she is. Most prob she will say

B:because I feel better after complaining. Let off some steam.

Then I would want to tell her.

Then thats you being selfish and not thinking about others feelings. How can you do that.

No thats why I keep these thoughts to myself.

I must think of a politically correct way of saying this.

New home

I just got my new home yesterday

I was 15 in queue but somehow I ended up first!
It will be done by jan 2016

Pros
good location (central part of SG)
Near to 24h supermarket
Near to eating place
No issues if lift breaks down
Reasonably near to mrt
Quite near to good food
Near to parents
Affordable 400k
Timely (jan 2016)  
near to guka cantonment (safe?)
quiet neighbourhood

Cons
Precint pavillion (noisy?)
not as ideal as l wish it could be  
Sports facilities (pool)
Shopping center far
4 room (wished for 5room)
1km away from MRT (+/-)
4th floor :(

I guess the cons are all wants rather then needs

So its ok

still worried about the PP