the three races

how can I best describe the differences between the 3 races descriptively to my kid
without sounding insulting?
here goes..
Is are like dark luxurious chocolate
Ms are like milk chocolate
Cs are like white chocolate. (it's true, white chocolate are quite yellowish too)
now.. I have ran out of types of chocolate for the rest.. aka the Ang mos.. hmmm..

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GTFOML

sometimes I really wish that I don't have you as my mum
sometimes I really wish that I could move on from this phase in my life and leave you behind
sometimes I just wish that you were normal like everyone else and I wallow in my misery

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proper apologies

proper apologies have 3 parts
1) what I did was wrong
2) I feel badly that I hurt you
3) how do I make this better?

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the weight of water

good book!

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if even you don't care, who will

they say that in order to truly care for the person
you need to know them thoroughly
you don't know me
it's just a facade

if even you don't know me
you can't care about me
and if even you can't care about me
then who will

do you really care about me
or are you just trying to fit me into your retirement dream
am I just the fallback plan

all my life ivh just wanted a happy family
I remember staying up late waiting for dad to come home
and when he came home I had already fallen asleep

when I woke up and jumped around him wanting to go out
like a log he would continue to slumber
but when he did wake up it was like magic
the broadest shoulders were like
the best amusement park ride in the world
the most entertaining conversations
the most patient tutor
the warmest hands the safest grip
and the knowledge that you would never let me slip
you never lost me or left be behind

you were really my super hero figure

of course there's always two sides to every coin

your drunk abusiveness

however it was always so easy to dissociate the two

and tell myself that it's not the same person

it can't be

I would just close my eyes and weep and wait for my real dad to come home



perhaps it was just a father figure i was looking for

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why did you leave me

why did you leave me
standing alone over there
why did you let me let go of your hand
were you captivated by another
as I was at that point in time

I had always cast the blame on myself in the beginning
I shouldn't have let go

but really
did I let go
or did you let go of mine
was it really a lack of conscientiousness
whose really to blame

or was it your sadistic evil inner being
just wanting to see my tormented face
absolutely terrified
not wanting to be left behind
tearing through the aisles
tearing as i ran frantically
screaming inside my head

"mummy where are you. why did you leave me behind again"


today when I saw the little girl crying on the train. and the aunties on the train saying that dads aren't so conscientious that's why he lost his kid, unlike the mums who would always hold tightly on to their kids

it really brought me back to when i always carried 10c to make phone calls
just incase you left me alone again

why did u always leave me behind?

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unrelinquished dreams

ivh always wanted to go to the NATIONAL LIBRARY OF SINGAPORE when I was a kid
ivh always envisioned standing surrounded by towering bookcases
and the wonderful musty smell of knowledge
when they tore it down I was nonchalant but devastated at the same time
I'll never get to fulfill this childhood dream of mine
nothing but an unrelinquished dream

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losing my identity

recently
life has become so surreal its like a dream
or my dreams are becoming so real they feel like memories
I'm starting to have difficulty telling the two apart sometimes
it's like I get small little flashbacks of things I so vivid it feels like a memory
like I walked past guardian and I saw the shaving advertisement and I remembered very vividly staring at a guy whose hair seemed to have roots all the the way down to the bottom of his neck
they were sparse, brown and curled out like a horse's main
and I thought. hey that guy he definitely needs this shaving product
but then I stop to think again.
who is he? where and when did I stare at the back of his neck.
its a blank in my mind.
it's so baffling. the denseness of the cloud veiling this memory is akin to how when you have a really vivid dream and you wake up
all of it suddenly dissipates.
and you can barely remember fragments of it
was he real or was it a dream?
did I know him or was he someone I stared at on the mrt train because of his interesting hair?
and like the reason why my dad leaves the group chat organized by my relatives the instant they invite him
I can't remember the reason
I knew it
but it's the same dense cloudy sensation again
but when I think back on my memories
I never saw him angry or unhappy at them
did I dream of the reason?
was the dream the truth?


if memories are what makes people unique
an I losing my identity?

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BITCH

I absolutely hate the fucking bitch who doesn't respect other people privacy
yeah the fucking closed door doesnt mean any fucking thing
yah a closed door means I'm just lying in the toilet fully clothed waiting for you to come in. in which fucking planet??
you didn't even allow me to close the door when I was a child.
now I lock it so that you can't come in on me and you make a fucking big fuss kicking and shouting outside the door
then you go and take the fucking key to open the door and come in on me.
just to stare at my naked body and make stupid excuse and some crude degratory remark.
fuck la. closed door means not wearing anything because bathing. which part of that do you not fucking understand.
stop making fucking excuses to come in on me when I'm not clothed DAILY
and make some fucking excuse saying that I'm PARADING for people to see.
I'm just half way through taking my clothes off so that I'm going to bath not PARADING for a bitch like you to see ok
I hate you sick pervert
wish you would just fuck off

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i'm gonna cry..

http://theweek.com/article/index/89914/the-last-word-why-old-dogs-are-the-best-dogs/1

Some people who seem unmoved by the deaths of tens of thousands through war or natural disaster will nonetheless grieve inconsolably over the loss of the family dog. People who find this behavior distasteful are often the ones without pets. It is hard to understand, in the abstract, the degree to which a companion animal, particularly after a long life, becomes a part of you. I believe I’ve figured out what this is all about. It is not as noble as I’d like it to be, but it is not anything of which to be ashamed, either.

In our dogs, we see ourselves. Dogs exhibit almost all of our emotions; if you think a dog cannot register envy or pity or pride or melancholia, you have never lived with one for any length of time. What dogs lack is our ability to dissimulate. They wear their emotions nakedly, and so, in watching them, we see ourselves as we would be if we were stripped of posture and pretense. Their innocence is enormously appealing. When we watch a dog progress from puppy­hood to old age, we are watching our own lives in microcosm. Our dogs become old, frail, crotchety, and vulnerable, just as Grandma did, just as we surely will, come the day. When we grieve for them, we grieve for ourselves.

"One young academically excellent person went to apply for a managerial position in a big company.

He passed the first interview, the director did the last interview, made the last decision.

The director discovered from the CV that the youth's academic achievements were excellent all the way, from the secondary school until the postgraduate research,
Never had a year when he did not score.

The director asked,
"Did you obtain any scholarships in school?"
The youth answered "none".

The director asked,
" Was it your father who paid for your school fees?"
The youth answered,
"My father passed away when I was one year old, it was my mother who paid for my school fees.

The director asked,
" Where did your mother work?"
The youth answered,
"My mother worked as clothes cleaner.
The director requested the youth to show his hands.
The youth showed a pair of hands that were smooth and perfect.

The director asked,
" Have you ever helped your mother wash the clothes before?"
The youth answered,
"Never, my mother always wanted me to study and read more books.
Furthermore, my mother can wash clothes faster than me.

The director said,
"I have a request. When you go back today, go and clean your mother's hands, and then see me tomorrow morning.*

The youth felt that his chance of landing the job was high. When he went back, he happily requested his mother to let him clean her hands. His mother felt strange, happy but with mixed feelings, she showed her hands to the kid.

The youth cleaned his mother's hands slowly. His tear fell as he did that. It was the first time he noticed that his mother's hands were so wrinkled, and there were so many bruises in her hands. Some bruises were so painful that his mother shivered when they were cleaned with water.

This was the first time the youth realized that it was this pair of hands that washed the clothes everyday to enable him to pay the school fee. The bruises in the mother's hands were the price that the mother had to pay for his graduation, academic excellence and his future.

After finishing the cleaning of his mother's hands, the youth quietly washed all the remaining clothes for his mother.

That night, mother and son talked for a very long time.

Next morning, the youth went to the director's office.

The Director noticed the tears in the youth's eyes, asked:
" Can you tell me what have you done and learned yesterday in your house?"

The youth answered,
" I cleaned my mother's hand, and also finished cleaning all the remaining clothes'

The Director asked,
" please tell me your feelings."

The youth said,
Number 1,
I know now what is appreciation. Without my mother, there would not the successful me today.
Number 2,
By working together and helping my mother, only I now realize how difficult and tough it is to get something done.
Number 3,
I have come to appreciate the importance and value of family relationship.

The director said,
" This is what I am looking for to be my manager. I want to recruit a person who can appreciate the help of others, a person who knows the sufferings of others to get things done, and a person who would not put money as his only goal in life. You are hired.

Later on, this young person worked very hard, and received the respect of his subordinates. Every employee worked diligently and as a team. The company's performance improved tremendously.

A child, who has been protected and habitually given whatever he wanted, would develop "entitlement mentality"and would always put himself first. He would be ignorant of his parent's efforts.
When he starts work, he assumes that every person must listen to him, and when he becomes a manager, he would never know the sufferings of his employees and would always blame others. 
For this kind of people, who may be good academically, may be successful for a while, but eventually would not feel sense of achievement.
He will grumble and be full of hatred and fight for more. If we are this kind of protective parents, are we really showing love or are we destroying the kid instead?*

You can let your kid live in a big house, give him a Driver & Car for going around, Eat a Good Meal, learn Piano, Watch a Big Screen TV. But when you are Cutting Grass, please let them experience it. After a Meal, let them Wash their Plates and Bowls together with their Brothers and Sisters. Tell them to Travel in Public Bus, It is not because you do not have Money for Car or to Hire a Maid, but it is because you want to Love them in a right way. You want them to understand, no matter how rich their parents are, one day their hair will Grow Grey, same as the Mother of that young person. The most important thing is your kid learns how to appreciate the effort and experience the difficulty and learns the ability to work with others to get things done."

Read more: http://www.shun2u.com/2012/#ixzz2AZ1zPWS7

WHY EVERYONE SHOULD DRINK MORE WATER :D

http://cleanliv.in/blog/drink-water/

this is so touching i could cry

And things may well have continued on that way were it not for the Internet. One evening, during a trip to Barcelona with Cam, my partner of three years, I answered a call from my mother over Skype to hear the dreaded words: “Your grandmother knows.” I guessed the source without much help: She had figured out how to read my writing, which occasionally referenced my sexuality, online.

“Well,” I said, anxiety welling up, “How did she take it?”

My mother sighed. “Bryan, we should’ve given the old bird more credit. I think it’s going to be fine.”

That was about four months ago. A few weeks ago, I went home for a wedding, and Cam came along. Grandma insisted on meeting him at her house. She fed us Carolina barbeque and potato salad and sweet tea, and I think she was more nervous about making a good impression on Cam than we were about gaining her approval. At the end of the visit, she hugged us both, and just before leaving, teary-eyed, she pulled me aside to tell me what had been stifling for her all these years: She and my grandfather didn’t care about my being gay—what had worried them most was thinking that I was all alone

crowded trains

I hate all these people on the trains who dont move in
I don't hesitate to
I remember one of my guy friends telling me that he hates those aunties who always push people into the train and how they use their handbag
I was thinking about it, it's because we don't want to touch you with your bare hands
it's disgusting
also if you had moved in, you wouldn't be complaining that someone had pushed you
a push is only a push when the pushed moves
you would complain that someone had squashed you
inconsiderate people

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DAKOTA KATOKOI IS A LIEEE T-T

http://momoelovepet.blogspot.sg/2012/06/fake-kotakoti.html

i am in love with this column. This woman is just so.. wise! she is so proficient at dissecting the truth and the right from the wrong so aptly!

Q. Catholic Wedding Etiquette: My cousin is marrying a Catholic woman (we are Episcopalian) in a Catholic church. My children are 9, 7, and 4, and were included in the invitation to both the full service and the reception following. I love my cousin, but I do not want to attend a full Catholic service. I do not agree with a lot of the teachings of the Catholic church, I do not appreciate that I cannot take Communion, and the sheer length of the event followed by a reception is too much for my children to handle. When I brought this up with my aunt, she told me that it is rude to attend the reception only and that I need to put my personal feelings aside for the day. I think they are asking some pretty big compromises in the name of their wedding. I love this column and the responses to follow, so any advice you have I would appreciate. What would you do in this situation?

A: Attending a wedding at someone else's church does not imply endorsement of all that denomination's teachings. It's an endorsement of the marriage of two people you presumably care about. It's nice of your cousin to include your children in the invitation, but you should probably just get a baby sitter for them. That way you can just enjoy yourself and not worry about handling restless kids. If you can't make that work then decline and send a lovely gift.

the struggling musician

there's this blind guy at woodlands mrt who plays the electric keyboard.

ivh always felt that his playing is excellent even though he obviously cannot see the keys

it's authentic too.

Everytime I see him I make an effort to give him Some money.

today I saw him again. it's been a while since he changed his equipment.

I remember when he changed them 5 years ago. I felt a sense of accomplishment. the artiste I supported managed to improve his standard of living. he's got good equipment, better clothes, maybe even a better home.

it's really interesting how it's been 10 years of giving to him. and how u was once a poor student, turned more affluent working adult.

but he's blind but he will never know who his donors are

well that doesn't matter to me because I don't want his gratitude I just want him to keep playing his awesome music

maybe the next time i see him I'll give him ten dollars

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gold

today I heard about the golden boy and girl of our school earning more than 10k when their salary was combined although they have only been working for 1 year

they could save up to 60k a year, with 3k to spend each month, compared to the miserly 18k I scrimp and save to put together.

I felt a twinge of jealousy at the thought. I asked myself why I didn't work harder. why didn't I try harder to go into the banking and finance line?

I guess I have to return to my goals in life.

I just want to have a family with average income (or better above average) and a happy harmonious family. I want my children to get along and to love their parents. respect is not a big thing for me as long as I know that despite whatever nonsense they throw my way they will still be filial and loving. I'm sure if I bring them up well the nonsense will have good intentions.

if I had a job in BNF I would have alot more money. I could spend 3k a month comfortably. what would I spend this on?

when Tong went overseas I had a brief taste of buying anything I desired and eating anything I wanted. but it was just empty happiness. momentary and fleeting and I constantly was left with the feeling of being dissatisfied no matter how many things I bought. I was shopping for happiness, bought it all. but something's still missing.

so when tong came back its pretty amazing because all of these cravings just vanished. I didn't need to buy a single thing but I felt perfectly fulfilled.

I find eating a cheap hawker meal more delicious and satisfying then eating at mass produced posh restaurants. the food all tastes the same after a while. I rejoice whenever I get to pay a visit to the hawker center.

so in actuality all I need is love and good food and the spirit of adventure kept alive

if I had 60k more I guess I would use the money to go traveling and sight seeing. but I don't think that my lifestyle or the furniture I would want to buy would change.

my life would be alot easier. but alot less fulfilling. after all I won't get to sit on my sofa and proudly proclaim that I got it at a warehouse sale for 50%. I would be sitting on it saying that it's designer or some shit. where's the sense of the great adventure and treasure hunt in looking for and finding what you really want?

life would be alot more easier and comfortable though.

but fun? fulfilling? I'm not so sure..

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gold

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How to identify a bad boss

My boss charlotte lee, fulfills all of these criteria.

• He ignores the classic, time honored cliché, “Praise in public, criticize in private.”
• She gives you assignments and doesn’t follow up.
• He doesn’t support you when something goes wrong.
• She thinks everything is fine when it isn’t.
• He constantly claims that he is empowering you, but isn’t.
• She micro-manages and needs to know everything.
• He acts paranoid.
• She jumps to conclusions.
• He doesn’t know how to plan, prioritize or organize.
• If it isn’t her idea, then it can’t be good.
• He implements two-faced attacks.
• She tells sarcastic jokes or teases.

she also does this.
Throw employees under the bus. Rather than taking responsibility for what goes wrong in the areas that you manage, blame particular employees when asked or confronted by executive leadership. When you know the responsibility is ultimately yours if you are the boss, why not act with dignity and protect your employees? When you blame employees, you look like an idiot and your employees will disrespect and hate you.

Trust me. They will find out and they will never trust you again. They'll always be waiting for the other shoe to fall. Worst? They'll tell all of their employee friends about what you did. Your other staff members will then distrust you, too. Your senior managers will not respect you either. They will question whether you are capable of doing the job and leading the team. When you throw your employees under the bus, you jeopardize your career - not theirs. And, it won't remove one iota of the blame from your shoulders.

http://humanresources.about.com/od/badmanagerboss/a/bad_boss2.htm

The abuse i endure under the hands of her schizophrenia. It hurts too much to write it. I will just borrow from the words of other victims

As I kept shopping, I mulled over the events of my childhood and teenage years. I remembered all of the abuses I endured, how I was called a bitch, a tramp, a whore. She bet me $50 that I'd be pregnant by my fifteenth birthday; she lost the bet, but never paid. I remembered how I began cutting myself to cope with the pain and was reminded of the ugly, hateful scars still adorning my body. All of those therapy sessions came back to me. A sea of sad, lonely moments and feelings of worthlessness swept over me as I dove into the ocean of my memories.








Im scared of turning her in because im afraid that this might happen

That wasn't the only time. Once she needed to switch medications, and they had to hospitalize her again. We went to see her everyday, and she begged us to take her home. She told us they were treating her so cruelly, but we knew it wasn't true. It was one of the nicest, most luxurious mental hospitals around. She was so paranoid. Even then I could recognize it, as a thirteen year-old girl. It was around then that I started realizing just how sick she was. I began to understand, but that didn't make living with it any easier or any less painful. I knew that she had something called "psychotic bipolar disorder with paranoid schizophrenia," but I didn't really understand it. Most people don't. I don't think even the psychaitrists fully get it.

My parents split when I was 14, and when I was 15, I had to go visit my mother in the summer. I dreaded those visits as much as I looked forward to them. I ended up spending that first summer with my grandmother. My mother and I could not get along. It was like she bottled up all of her anger and frustration so that she could take it out on me upon my arrival. She threw a dirty diaper at me and chased me out of her home with one of those large, heavy cordless phones from the 90s--calling me a bitch and a whore. I ran across the street to call my grandmother. I visited my mother several times a week, but most of the time it ended in argument. She would end up insulting me, kicking me out, and trying to do me harm. My brother would, as usual, be treated like a prince.

I had to visit again when I was 16, and this time I spent more of the visit at my mother's house. My stepsisters were visiting, too, hence the reason I was able to survive my mother's company. She took everything out on my oldest stepsister, Shari, who was two years younger than me. I found myself sympathizing with her so much, but feeling grateful that it wasn't me in her shoes anymore. She would make fun of her for no reason, lunge at her for the smallest thing. I couldn't take it for very long. I called my stepsisters' mother to tell her how my mother had been treating them. I began to stand up for Shari, refusing to let my mother do to her as she once did to me. That was when my mother would turn on me as well. Shari and I ended up both going to my grandmother's house several times that summer. Our time there was so much more pleasant.

I didn't go visit her the summer after I turned 17. By then I had graduated high school and was working. Right after I turned 18, I moved out of my father's place and into my own apartment. I supported myself on my own, despite how difficult it was to survive on my meager earnings from Blockbuster. That whole year, my mother and I got along so much better. Occasionally we had an argument on the phone, but as long as I walked on egg shells when talking to her, we could have pleasant conversations. She actually sympathized with me, knowing how little I had to live on. 

I dont dare to live with her because im scared that this will happen

By then my brother was living with her and her new son, and he was the one dealing with her temper and her rage instead of me.

I felt awful for him. For years he had been the baby, her favorite. Now that she had a new son, he experienced what I had to go through for all of those years. She accused him of so many things, from drug use to thievery. He eventually did both, and I think she drove him to it. She called his girlfriends sluts and whores, accused them of having had abortions. Once she threw a large, family-size glass jar of pickles down the stars at him. Had it hit him, it could have hurt him very badly. It was so hard for him to deal with all of this, after having been immune to her disease for so long. He changed as a person after it began, and he hasn't been the same since.

Im afraid that this will happen in the future

To this day I am still enduring her abuse. When we visit her, she badmouths me to Corey when I am out of the room, and he doesn't know how to respond. She lies to me, telling me that relatives have said horrible things about me--that they never really said. I have to listen to her talk badly about all of my family members, and if I ask her to stop, if I disagree with anything she says, she tells me that I'm a bad daughter. She says that I put up a wall between us--even though she refuses to hear anything I have to say and hangs up on me all the time. She accuses me of being the reason she and I can't get along. She says I have no respect for her or anyone else and that I don't care about her, even when I'm trying to help her. When I bring up the abuse, she denies all of it. Her story is that I was misbehaving and that she always disciplined me properly. Sometimes she admits it, but says I deserved it all. I have to be very careful when talking to her, because she can still explode at any moment. Having a mother with schizophrenia is an emotional roller coaster.

So maybe she has bi-polar schizophrenia. Thats why she never admits her mistakes

It can be so hard to cope with a loved one who has bipolar disorder, especially when they take it out on you. Bipolar people are known to be most hateful to the people they love the most, but that's no comfort to a ten year-old with a bruised heart. Many people find it hard to accept having a bipolar loved one. They notice that they can never admit the harm they've done, and they are angry when they don't admit that something is wrong with them or cooperate with treatment. Denial is part of bipolar disorder for many people, especially when the person has schizophrenia as well. They are capable of creating entire alternate worlds for themselves to live in. Anyone with an bipolar, schizophrenic parent needs to understand that their erratic behavior is all related to the illness. Some people may use it as an excuse to avoid responsibility--and feel they can do whatever they want because of it. That, too, is part of the disease. These people are very sick, and they aren't right and don't think as a normal person does.

I remember being the 10 year old with the bruised heart. 

im normal im normal

. It is common for children of schizophrenics to feel guilty about their parent's illness, fear about developing schizophrenia or being an inadequate parent themselves, and depression or anxiety about their situation and life in general. 

I just want to be able to tell people about my dad and not have them look at me differently and treat him like he is some crazy mad person.  I just wish I had someone to talk to that would understand how I'm feeling. My parents are divorced so that makes it twice as hard. I feel bad for not being around my dad as much and like it's my fault that he is like this right now.

The sad thing about this illness is that they don't think they are sick. They really believe there are voices and most of the times will not take the meds or want help.

The constant mental and emotional torture is causing my heart to go numb - I have to leave but if I abandon her completely and she hurts herself or others then it will be equally traumatic -

 However this is by the by as my mother has an almost supernatural ability to imitate a normal person should a psychiatrist pass within five miles of her (thus the UNdiagnosed).

Why am i so obsessed with the fair folk?

Maybe because i sincerely wish that the stories are true.

that voices really do whisper in the dark

that if you are special, fair folk are really out to get you. they will follow you around.

http://schizophreniadiaries.com/recovery-stories/long-process-of-learning-that-youre-sick/

but i guess the truth is just that you have schizophrenia. And unless you realise it i can never make you better. and i can never live a normal life.

This makes me cry.

I want the same things too


Just another normal day in my life.
http://schizophreniadiaries.com/family-members/still-dealing-with-schizophrenic-mother/

dont know what you want in life?

try this: http://www.ivillage.co.uk/what-career-will-suit-your-personality/121527

This description is a generalisation. If it rings true, you've found your career type.

You would be very happy in a career that utilised your people skills. You want a career that allows you to stimulate your senses and your mind. Some careers that would be perfect for you are: 

• Actor
• Recruitment Consultant
• Politician
• Marketing
• Psychologist
• Religious Minister
• Teacher
• Social Worker
• Human Resources Manager
• Sales
• Lawyer
• Advertising

 

You are a great leader. You genuinely enjoy being around other people. Your relationships with others are very important to you. You love talking and meeting new people. You are very enthusiastic about work and about all that you do and have in your life. You love being the focus of attention. You enjoy a fast pace. You are very socially oriented. Therefore, you are much happier being with others than you are alone. You crave interaction with others. 

 

You are very spontaneous and often act before you think. You are always quick to answer when you are asked a question, even if you aren't sure of the answer. It is easier for you to improvise as you go along. You enjoy thinking out loud, and are most creative when brainstorming with friends or colleagues. You enjoy being involved in many activities. 

 

You are very easy to read, and often wear your heart on your sleeve. You are never afraid to tell people what you think. You are very empathetic and genuine. You can sometimes be seen as over-emotional or too involved by others. But that is only because you tend to get so involved in the things you do that they become personal. You want to be adored, loved and appreciated. You like to please others and to make sure people are happy. 

 

You trust what is certain. You only like new ideas if they can be practically applied to the situation. You value what is real. You use your common sense. You like to utilise the skills you have instead of learning new ones. You are very specific and detailed when writing or talking to others. You follow directions well. You like things to be laid out for you to do instead of working them out for yourself. You like decisions to be made. You don't like leaving things in limbo. You like to know what you are getting into before you commit to something. 

 

You like to focus on the here and now. You enjoy completing projects. It is important for you to achieve and succeed. Therefore, you believe in working hard and playing later. You like to set goals and work towards them.

 

Finding a career that is right for you isn't always an easy thing. However, if you secure a job that is suited to your personality type you will enjoy going to work, feel great about yourself, feel appreciated and look forward to what's ahead. 

 

This test was adapted from C. G. Jung's famous personality types.

Read more: What career will suit your personality? | iVillage UK http://www.ivillage.co.uk/what-career-will-suit-your-personality/121527#ixzz21AtxcaF3
Parenting: Information & advice

SPilt

I think I have 2 sides of me

the daring adventurous side. the friendly gregarious warm and outgoing side. the side that talks alot, laughs alot and never lets a challenge slide. the side that will stare at you daringly in the eyes until you back down. the side that wants to lead everyone else to a better place. the side that always gets her way.

then there's the side that rather not talk to anyone. it's scared of everything. scared of rejection to the point that it'd rather be alone. I'd rather not look into your eyes because I'm afraid of what I will see in them.

I realise that I switch between these 2 individuals at regular intervals. sometimes it's a fixed period of time. sometimes it's not.

I was born loud and bossy
after I got scolded by an uncle for the first time in my life at 2 years old I became soft and mousey.
I stared at the world go past with teary eyes.
I regained my confidence in kindergarten. I set the rules my 2 lackeys would follow.
in p1 to p2 I had a best friend.
I was a teacher favorite. excited to learn. always has answers. i shut my mouth in p4 when I realized that people disliked me for having good grades and being a "pet"and my parents divorced.
I had a group of friends again from p5 to 6. I felt like I belonged again.
I clammed up again in sec school. s1-4 I was quiet. the weight of their divorce weighed on me.
j1-2 was the most boisterous days of my life.
UNi 1-4 I was quiet. there were politics best avoided.
work 1/2 I was just me. lived life in an excited dream.
work 2nd half. I should go back to being the me in my lower primary days.

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the whole world..

whenever you want something badly enough the whole world will conspire against you such that you don't get it.

if I see that bus driver again I wish that I could bitch slap him.

annoying bugger who is damn slow that my prime time bus reaches the office busstop at 8.30am together with the bus after him and the bus before him reaches the office busstop at 8.05am.

something needs to be done!!

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on time

I realized that when I reach work on time I am acutely aware of the passing of time.

feels like forever

5.30 when r u coming?!

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would you

If you don't have anyone to share your happiness with would you feel sad?

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Grief is a natural response to loss. It’s the emotional suffering you feel when something or someone you love is taken away. You may associate grief with the death of a loved one – and this type of loss does often cause the most intense grief. But any loss can cause grief. The more significant the loss, the more intense the grief. However, even subtle losses can lead to grief. 

The five stages of grief:

• Denial: “This can’t be happening to me.”
• Anger: “Why is this happening? Who is to blame?”
• Bargaining: “Make this not happen, and in return I will ____.”
• Depression: “I’m too sad to do anything.”
• Acceptance: “I’m at peace with what happened.”

Coping with grief and loss tip 2: Take care of yourself

How to cope with distance

Know that while it may not seem that way, they'll be back soon. If you find yourself missing them, tell yourself that and find something else to do/think about.

Don't act as if you won't survive without them. It only makes the situation worse. Sure, you miss them, but there are other important things in life.

http://www.wikihow.com/Deal-With-Missing-Your-Significant-Other

looks like I just need to keep trying harder although all I feel like doing right now is mope around and be all by myself at home and wish that if i closed and opened my eyes i'd be tomorrow already and i'd blink 40 times.. 

workplace facade

recently I realized there is no point in maintaining the veneer of patience I used to hold for everyone

because there is no point forging friendships at the workplace

all of it is paper thin and commitments and none of it will last longer than their bosses orders

thus there is no point in being agreeable or amicable. because there are alot of selfish, self centered idiots with ZERO EQ who will just think that you are a pushover rather then being friendly.

instead it is more formidable to draw lines so that people do not overstep their boundaries. more importantly, show people that you have limits to test so they will think twice before pushing you. you need to prove it to them subtly. no words spoken. no emails sent. just that silent, deathly aura.

and all that jazz about team building? about working together so that the department progresses rather than self?

hell lot of bull. after 1 day of workshop everyone goes back to being themselves.

I need to work on my aura of death. it's not that I don't feel it. I'm too good at concealing it. because Ivh always known that in friendships, getting angry will get you nowhere. just makes the other party frustrated and does not help mutual understanding.

so alot of people just assume that I nvr get angry at all. and when they ask me to show it to them, I don't. they just assume that I'm a smiley person who never gets angry. how silly these people are! they don't realize that I'm doing all of these for our friendship. why on earth do you want me to get mad at you? it's like breaking the seal to open a new bottle. the first time it might be tough but progressively it gets easier and easier until one day the cap doesn't even close anymore. why would you want that? people who can't hold their temper or emotions in check don't make very good friends.

so I'd just smile. and I think to myself. it doesn't matter to me that you don't understand how i think. because most probably you view the world so simply that you don't even understand how anyone thinks. more importantly, because I have real friends that do. so you mean nothing to me. and I genuinely do not mind your foolish actions. I dote on you like an uncle will dote on a foolish child who knows none the better.

but not anymore.

now I try very hard to display emotions that your actions should have invoked. I try my best to display it very prominently on my face. its hard especially when one has cultivated nothing but patience and understanding these years. last time i perfected my best face are because I know it's hilarious or because I know that it can help me to get out of sticky situations just my looking blur.

now none of these faces help me to get out of the places I despise. so now I will need to perfect my "you are the bane of this earth" and my "what nonsense are you talking about" and the "i know exactly what you are talking about but it doesn't concern me so just shut up and listen because I don't have time to listen to you babble" and the "I'm stressed don't approach me" and the "I don't take nonsense so watch what you say" or the "how could you do or say that" or the "don't piss me off I know exactly what you are talking about" face or the "I really don't have the time for this" face or the "are you an idiot what are you doing?" face

so my dear real friends, please don't mind me if I'm a little strange or different. just give me a poke and let me know that the mask is up and I'm displaying emotions I don't really feel.

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I dislike you

Why do we all dislike them?

Maybe it's because they go against everything that we have been taught and drilled by our parents since we were young
1) don't talk loudly in public places
2) do not perform unhygienic acts like digging your nose, spitting, etc
3) be considerate towards others
4) queue up
5) don't push
6) do not create a spectacle in public

And they always have to commit all of these "crimes" really loudly, drawing our attention to them.

And they are not young so we cannot dismiss their imprudence as innocence

SIGH

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I hate you

you never appreciate anything you receive
you only nag at me and push me away
and you know the things which annoy me and the sounds I hate
but you will purposely do them to annoy me
my anger is your pleasure
you are a real bitch

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You! You there with the hat!

You have a brain! Why dont you use it to think before shooting off your mouth?

Not all arguments are worth winning.

So what if you win the argument? What fame, glory and honor do you garner from having won? It just shows to the world that you are an ignorant, bigoted, hypocrite who is a busybody and enjoys bashing other people on their walls on things that they care about but aren't even worth 2 cents to you. You are a small man. And you are a very free man at the same time. You have time to spend on a SATURDAY NIGHT on facebook, stalking, commenting and belittling other people's opinions and comments. You view yourself as a purveyor of your so called justice. When all you are is just a sad keyboard warrior, all alone on a SATURDAY NIGHT when anybody with a social life would be out at this hour, or asleep from exhaustion of a eventful life during the day.

Does silence mean that you have won? In my opinion if you arguing with me, no it does not. It just means that it was not a topic worth arguing with you over. I'm much more magnanimous than that.

What does it mean to me if i actually stand up to you and argue back? It shows that this is a topic of contention. Something that i feel strongly about. Something worth arguing.

I might be a passive person. However when something like gets my blood boiling, or the issue means alot to me, I will stand up and fight. Having won the argument only means to me that I have shown to you that I am not someone to be stepped on. Because I did not go and pick the argument with you. I am solely defending my own ground. There is a stark difference between the two.

Dreams

I think that people with confusing dreams are people who try to hard to deceive themselves

my dreams are straight and clear and remind me of what I lost or what I desire.

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the truth

Most of you will end up in activities which involve communication. To those of you I have a second message: be wary of the truth. I’m not asking you to speak it, or write it, for there are times when it is dangerous or impossible to do those things. The truth has a great capacity to offend and injure, and you will find that the closer you are to someone, the more care you must take to disguise or even conceal the truth. Often, there is great virtue in being evasive, or equivocating. There is also great skill. Any child can blurt out the truth, without thought to the consequences. It takes great maturity to appreciate the value of silence.

In order to be wary of the truth, you must first know it. That requires great frankness to yourself. Never fool the person in the mirror.

be hated

I have told you that your life is over, that you should not work, and that you should avoid telling the truth. I now say this to you: be hated.

It’s not as easy as it sounds. Do you know anyone who hates you? Yet every great figure who has contributed to the human race has been hated, not just by one person, but often by a great many. That hatred is so strong it has caused those great figures to be shunned, abused, murdered and in one famous instance, nailed to a cross.

One does not have to be evil to be hated. In fact, it’s often the case that one is hated precisely because one is trying to do right by one’s own convictions. It is far too easy to be liked, one merely has to be accommodating and hold no strong convictions. Then one will gravitate towards the centre and settle into the average. That cannot be your role. There are a great many bad people in the world, and if you are not offending them, you must be bad yourself. Popularity is a sure sign that you are doing something wrong.

http://halfhalf.posterous.com/dont-work-be-hated-love-someone

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sick

so sick of saying things I don't mean
I only say it because I know it's the right thing to say
is this really the right thing to do

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loner

what's wrong with me
when did I rather be alone than in a crowd
to the extent that I'd rather pretend I was on a bus than take a lift from someone
so that I could go to work alone
when did Facebook stop being my own
and become a place where I can put up a font
it's all part of a big stunt

so sick of putting up a smiley facade
so sick of always having to take the initiative to be friendly
so sick of always pretending that everything is ok
so sick of being put on a 2nd tier pedestrial
so sick of pretending that I don't understand when I do
so sick of having to keep my face neutral
so sick of being caught in the middle
tired of being jack of all trades, master of none

maybe I just need more sleep

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476 dollars of angbow money! :D

110 from dad, 50 from step mum.. :D

316 from everywhere else.. :D